A Beautiful Mistake
by Petals Open to the Moon
Summary: Kate doesn't have a very interesting life. She's just your typical antisocial, cranky teenager. So what will happen when a certain doctor enters the scene and turns her world upside down? Is it a change for the better? Or just a mistake...?
1. Chapter 1: I Hate Doctors

**This, dear readers, is a story partly for myself, and partly for those of you who love Dr. Cullen. Kate, the main character of this story, is like me in many ways, and for that reason it's hard not to laugh when I read this. She's antisocial, a bookworm, sarcastic, and fantasizes about the impossible. I'm posting this with no idea of who will want to read it, or comment. But if you do, let me know. If you laugh, let me know. Better yet, submit some of your own fantastic stories and let me know! **

_I'll never forget that day. That strange, awful, beautiful day when I first met him. "Who," you ask? Well, I would say, but you'd think me crazy. Most poets and writers are insane, anyway, so what's new? *exhale* Alright. I'm ready now. Just don't give up on me. At least try to read all the way through. Here goes nothing... _

**Chapter 1: I. Hate. Doctors. **

It happened a few years ago. It was all my mom's fault. She told me I was sick. Said, "Kate, your face is terribly pale, and your tongue is blotchy. I won't have pale, sickly children in my house. Time to visit the doctor."

_Why thank you, mother. Remind me to compliment _you_ next time._ I slouched out of bed in typical teenagerish fashion, and made a big deal about going upstairs and getting my purse. The keys fell out and landed on my toe. "*&#!" (I won't fill in the blanks there, dear readers. After all, I don't know how mature my audience is.) I stumbled downstairs, still cursing. My mom was waiting for me, a brand new shiny lecture on her lips. I fast-forwarded it by shouting a quick, "I'll be back by 11:00!" and slammed the garage door. The engine started, and I backed out the driveway, almost on top of our family cat, Measly. _Nasty things,_ I thought in annoyance. I_ wanted a dog, but _everyone else_ said they were too messy-_

This grumpy train of thought kept until I pulled up at the entrance to our family doctor's office. It was a large office compared to most. Tall hedges surrounded the sides, and several bushes of cheerful, yellow flowers led up to the front door. I locked the car and stepped inside. Doctor Hireson's secretary grinned up at me. The woman was in need of serious dental work.

"Helloo, darling!" she crooned. "What can I do for you today?"

"I need to see Doctor Hireson."

"Do you have an appointment?"

My face brightened. "No."

"Well...it might be difficult than, to..."

"Never mind," I interrupted happily. So much for the doctor. My "blotchy tongue" could wait another day. "I'll just come back later. Bye!"

I was halfway out the door when she called me back. "Oh, wait, darling! Are you Kate, by any chance?"

_Crap._ "Um, yeah...?"

"Your mother called a short while ago. You're scheduled to be seen after the next patient."

Mom must have called the office while I was driving there. How predictable. I turned back and slumped into one of the smelly chairs in the waiting room. An old geezer smiled at me, his gums gaping. Sighing, I picked up a _People _magazine and read about what actress married what actor, who had cheated on whom, and why anyone else should care.

"Kate Lansdale?" squeaked a voice. I rose to my feet and shuffled after the smiling nurse. Looking at her, I noticed she was barely older than I was. 19, perhaps. Still training to be a nurse or pediatrician. She tried to sound professional, but I could tell by the nervous way she tucked her hair behind her ears that she was brand-new.

"So, how are we today?" she asked me.

"Fine."

"Feeling sick?"

"Maybe."

She chattered on, ignoring my one-word answers. We reached a small room with the number 107 on the door, and she showed me inside. "Sit down, please," she said. I did so, crackling the white paper underneath. She shuffled some papers, clearly unsure of what to ask first. I gazed about me, wondering what I was doing in this stupid little office with pink dinosaurs printed on the corners of the walls.

"Um..." she said finally. "When did you start feeling sick?"

"I don't know."

"Tell me your symptoms, then."

I sighed. "Look," I said. "I'll be honest with you. My mom made me come here today. I don't feel sick at all. If there _was_ something wrong with me, I'm sure I would know. I'm perfectly healthy."

Her pen tapped rapidly against the clipboard. "I see," she said, when it was obvious she didn't. She cleared her throat once or twice, and then stood up. "Um, let me...let me go inform the doctor. I think you should see _him,_ at least, before you leave."

"Ok."

She whisked out the door, and I leaned back on the makeshift bed. The pillow was comfortable, and my eyes fluttered drowsily. If I tried hard enough, I could imagine myself at home, wrapped in layers of warm, soft blankets...

The door opened again.

"Miss Lansdale?" inquired a soft, male voice.

I jerked upright to a sitting position. "Sorry," I muttered, embarrassed.

Then I took a good look in front of me.

I closed my eyes again. _I definitely haven't gotten enough sleep lately,_ I thought. _I'm hallucinating._ I opened my eyes.

No, I wasn't dreaming. He still stood there before me, holding his hand out with a quizzical smile. Maybe I _had_ fallen asleep, after all. Because what I was seeing couldn't be real. It just wasn't possible.

Or was it?


	2. Chapter 2: Am I Going Crazy?

**Chapter 2: Am I Going Crazy? **

"I'm Dr. Cullen," continued the vision, shaking my hand. An icy feeling shot up my arm. I felt like my bones had turned to water. _What the heck was _that? I thought, fixing a smile on my face.

"Hi."

"You're Katherine, right?"

"Yep, that's me." The words flew from my lips as if someone else had spoken them. Where had that come from? I was simply Kate. _Everybody_ called me Kate. I hated my full first name.

"Jennifer said there was some confusion regarding why you were here." He sat down in the chair across from me, folding his pale hands across his clipboard. "What seems to be the trouble?"

"I-" My voice died abruptly, and I coughed. "My mom thinks there's something wrong with me, but I'm really..." My voice trailed off. What was I saying? If I repeated what I'd said before, than that would mean I would go home, never to see this man again. This beautiful, impossible man, who was looking at me now with warm, understanding eyes. I couldn't do it. So I lied. "...kind of sick, after all," I finished. "I don't know _what's _wrong with me. Neither does my mom."

Dr. Cullen nodded, and opened the door slightly. "Jennifer?" he called. I heard a quick tap of footsteps, and her nervous face peeked into the room. "Yes, doctor?"

"Please tell Bryan that I will be a few more minutes. I need to do a thorough check-up with Katherine." The way he pronounced my name made my heart ache. I never wanted to be called "Kate" again.

"B-but, she said..." stammered Jennifer. Her blonde bangs covered her eyes as she leaned forward. "I'm sorry, doctor, if I overlooked something-"

"You're fine," he said softly, patting her shoulder. "Just go tell Bryan it'll be about ten more minutes."

She blushed, and the door closed behind her.

"Now, where were we?" he said, smiling. Gosh darn it, that man's voice was attractive. I smiled back, wishing I had put on some makeup before I left. "Oh, yes," he said. "You were saying you didn't know what was wrong with you. Well, let's see if we can find out." He stood up, straightening the stethoscope around his neck, and walked towards me.

_Oh, gosh. Please don't._ There was no way I was staying conscious after this. My pulse went into overload as he leaned across my shoulder. I couldn't tell the difference between the cold metal of the stethoscope, and the iciness of his hands. My stomach kept doing odd little flips. My common sense wanted my body to sit still, while every other inch of me was screaming to touch him. I wanted to prove to myself that he was real; that I wasn't going completely crazy...

After what seemed an eternity, he moved away. "Heart rate is a little high," he observed. "Have you been feeling any stress lately? Been eating healthy enough?"

"I'm alright." I wished my stomach would shut up. "My mom's a vegetarian, and she watches our diets pretty closely."

"Really?" he reached for more instruments, and checked my ears and eyes, etc. My mouth went dry every time he touched me. _I can't take this anymore,_ I thought. I was relieved to see he was apparently finished. But worse was yet to come.

"Almost done," he smiled. Then he lifted his slender fingers to each side of my neck. He began rubbing certain areas of my face, checking for swollenness or other signs of fever or illness.

_Stop._ My eyes begged him. Did he know what he was doing to me?

No. He didn't. "You seem perfectly healthy to me," he decided. His pen was making rapid marks across his clipboard notes. I had never been a perceptive person, yet I found myself noticing subtle details about Dr. Cullen. Like the slight, foreign accent to his voice, or the way his fair hair curled onto his white shirt collar.

"You are a little malnourished, though," he continued. "Did your mother notice your being pale at all, Katherine?"

"Yeah," I said faintly.

"Well, I agree with her. You need more exercise. Get out in the sun a bit this summer." He checked off something on his paper and then smiled up at me. "Other than that, everything is fine. You can leave now, if you wish."

"'If I wish?'" I repeated dumbly. Did he mean it?

He frowned, suddenly worried. "Or, of course, if you need to, you can stay here longer."

"No, no, that's alright," I said quickly. _Idiot. What did you _think _he meant?_ "I have to go home, anyway."

I stepped off the raised bed, crackling the paper, and reached for my purse. Dr. Cullen already had his things gathered together, and was holding the door open for me.

"Please come back if you need to," he said sincerely. "We're here whenever you need us."

I nodded, suddenly desperate to stay; to see him smiling at me awhile longer. "Dr. Cullen?" I asked, almost shyly. "I was wondering...well...usually I see Dr. Hireson when I come here. Is he not-?"

"Dr. Hireson is ill himself, actually," he interrupted with a smile. "I will be taking his patients for him until he recovers."

"Oh, ok. Thanks." I walked down the hallway, expecting to hear him behind me, but he'd left to go see another patient. One sicker than me, who didn't fall into mental convulsions every time he touched them.

"Bye-bye, dearie!" sang the receptionist from the front desk. I didn't even bother to reply, but shoved my way out the door. It was raining, and I was soaked by the time I reached my car. "Am I going crazy?" I shouted up at the dark clouds. They laughed at me, splashing raindrops in my eyes. Once in my car, I switched on the radio. "Bad Romance," by Lady Gaga was playing. It jarred at my nerves, and I flipped to another station. "_He never said he loved me..._" crooned a female voice. I switched it off impatiently. Weren't there any songs _not_ about romance?

I stamped on the gas pedal, and sped out of the parking lot much faster than was probably allowed. All the way home, I sang "Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog" at the top of lungs, and avoided any thoughts about pale, sexy-looking doctors.


	3. Chapter 3: Late Night Chauffeur

**Chapter 3: Late Night Chauffeur **

Later that evening, I went to a party at my friend's house.

Becky wasn't the most intelligent person you'd ever meet, but she was nice. I also secretly admired her. She had lovely, sleek brown hair that fell past her shoulders, and sparkling brown eyes. Guys fell hard for those eyes, I can tell you. They generally ignored _me_, with my wild dark hair and green-gray eyes that didn't seem to match with anything. Not that I minded. I usually hung back in the crowd at parties, letting others take the spotlight.

_Becky has quite a turn-out tonight,_ I mused, looking at all the people coming in. A beer can slipped its way through the crowd, and I planned to leave early. Parties were no fun when everyone got drunk. I'd tasted beer once. It was revolting.

"Kate! Over here!"

I meandered over to Becky, who was chatting with her new boyfriend, Reese. He looked much like the others-all muscle and no brains. He treated me the same way too, giving me a casual nod before drooling over Becky again.

"It's hot, isn't it?" Becky laughed. "Good thing I planned this for outside."

She wandered off to greet all her other friends, and I was left alone. I didn't care to meet any of them. They were all dumber than Becky, anyway, and as callous as she was kind.

Sitting back on a lawn chair with my soda, I suddenly realized that everything looked...different. I would usually scour the crowd, looking for a remotely cute boy to talk to, or a girl whose smile wasn't plastered on her face. But tonight, sipping my orangeade, I felt full of contempt for them all. Contempt for their stupid little conversations and drunken laughter. Contempt for their intrigues that were hardly any different from the _People _magazine I'd read that day. A face filled my thoughts; a face as different from these people as night was from day. I smiled to myself. _There _was a man, and not just because his looks were absolutely perfect (if I _wanted_ a cute guy, I could've picked him from the crowd). He was mature. Refined. Cultured in a way that I had never seen before. What woman could not appreciate him?

_Woman._ A thought hit me, much as I tried to avoid it. My soda tipped slightly, spilling over my jeans. I tried sponging off the orange stain, and then finally gave up. Who cared, anyway? My heart ached painfully as I walked away from the crowd. I noticed that it was already quite dark outside. The thought rushed back in my head. _Was he married...?_

A mosquito droned by my ear. I swatted at it angrily. My feet carried me through Becky's yard, and out in the street.

"This is great." I muttered to myself. "I'm wandering around at night without a clue of where I'm going." Yet I knew where I was going. Home. To my room, so I could bury my head under my pillow and hate myself for being so stupid. Maybe I was just _naturally_ attracted to older men. Or maybe I'd just been really tired this morning.

"There is _no way_ he's not married by now." I didn't mind talking out loud. "You're an idiot, Kate. A brainless idiot."

I kept talking like this for the next half and hour. My house was only two blocks from Becky's, but it took awhile to get there. Not that I minded the dark; I just didn't want to be alone with my thoughts for that long. I dragged my feet, wishing I had my car with me. Mom had driven me over. She still insisted I was sick. "Get a ride home," she'd instructed. "Your dad will need the car tonight." What could I say to her, coming home two hours early, with soaked pants...?

A light flashed in my eyes, painfully bright. I threw up my arms, aware too late that a car was coming towards me, and I was standing like an idiot in the middle of the road. The lights swerved, and I stumbled to the sidewalk. I heard the car come to a stop a few feet away, and the side door open. I turned. My hands were bleeding from the cement, but I hardly noticed. I was looking at the person running towards me. Happiness flooded through me like a wave.

"Are you alright?" Dr. Cullen asked, rushing to help me. "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't see you until you moved your hands."

He stopped, staring at my face. He was so close, I could feel his soft breath on my cheek. "Miss Lansdale?" he said, confused. "What are you doing here?"

"I was at my friend's house, but some people were drinking. I got uncomfortable, so I decided to walk home."

"By yourself?" His tone was appalled. I was touched by his concern for me.

"My house is just down the next street."

"Yes, I know."

I was surprised, yet secretly pleased. "_How_ do you know?"

He motioned me to follow him, and pulled something from the passenger seat of his car. He put it in my hands. It was soft and warm, and smelled faintly of cat fur. "You left your jacket in the checkup room," he explained. "I thought I'd save your family some trouble and bring it myself."

"_I_ could've gotten it," I mumbled, blushing. "You didn't have to."

He waved his hand. The car lights flashed off something silver on his finger. "It's alright. I pass your neighborhood on the way to my own home." He gestured to his car. "Do you want a ride?"


	4. Chapter 4: No Air to Breathe

**Chapter 4: No Air to Breathe **

"Sure." I sped around to the other side and opened the door. He looked at me in surprise, but then shrugged his shoulders and got in. The car smelled wonderful; almost exactly like the exhilarating scent that clung to his skin, hair, and clothes. I felt the smooth, upholstered seats with admiration. Money as well as good looks. Not a bad combination.

The doctor did a U-turn, heading towards my street. He fiddled with the knobs on the dashboard. "Are you cold? Hot?"

"I'm fine." _Just keep talking._

"I hope your parents won't mind me giving you a ride," he said calmly. "After all, it's better than letting you walk home by yourself." He shook his fair head. "I just don't understand it. Why were you even at a party like that, anyway?"

"Becky's my friend," I shrugged. "She does what she likes. There's no one else to spend time with."

"Surely you must have some other friends."

"Not really."

He chuckled softly. "For a teenager, that's odd, don't you think?"

"I'm not like other teenagers." I smiled. Oh, the irony.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't drink or do drugs, for one thing."

"And?"

I stared out the car window. "I don't really like other _people,_ I guess."

He looked at me intently. I realized we were home already, and his black car had come to a stop. We sat in silence for a moment. Now that I was home, I didn't want to get out. I shuddered, realizing I would have missed him if I'd stayed at that awful party.

"You're bleeding," he said softly. I looked up to see him watching me. The car was dark, but I thought I could see his eyes gleaming. I'd never noticed what color they were in the office. Brown? Gray?

"Oh," I said stupidly. I switched on the mirror light, and held up my hands. Ugly patterns criss-crossed my palms, covered in partly-dried blood. "I think that's from when I fell."

"You fell?" he said anxiously. "I didn't hit you with the car, did I?"

"No. I stumbled." There was another silence, and I reached for the door handle. This was it, then.

"Wait." He caught my hand, sending another electric shock through me. _How does he _do_ that?_ I thought, frustrated. He reached in the glove compartment, and pulled out some gauze and healing ointment.

_Doctors are always prepared_, I smiled. He held my hands in his own, and applied them liberally with the ointment. Then he wrapped them-his hands were so gentle, I noticed-in the white gauze.

"Better?" he whispered. He hadn't let go of my hands.

"Yes." I whispered back. We stared at each other. I sat there, frozen, as he lifted a hand to my cheek. "You're very warm," he murmured. "You might be getting sick after all."

Our faces were almost touching. I closed my eyes, embarrassed at how loud my heartbeat was. He lifted his chin, as if to kiss my forehead, but I moved forward quickly and touched his lips to mine.

It lasted for only a second. He pulled away, breathing harder than I was. There was a silence so dead, I was almost afraid to break it.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't say anything, please," he said. His face was calm again. Calm and controlled. He pressed a button by his door, and the locks clicked. "You need to get some sleep," he insisted. He didn't look at me again.

I stepped out of the car, and so did he. "Good night, Katherine," he said, trying to smile. He said my real name, at least. I nodded, not able to speak coherently yet. He opened his car door again.

"Wait!" I shouted, stopping him. He looked across the car at me. I thought his eyes looked tired, and even a little... ashamed?

"Tell me just one thing," I begged. "Are you...have you any..." I couldn't spit it out. "I mean, are you... married?"

The expression on his face didn't change, but I thought I saw his eyes soften. "No," he said. "No, I am not married." He got in his car and turned on the ignition, then drove off in the dark, leaving me standing alone in front of the house.


	5. Chapter 5: I Wish I Was Sick

**Chapter 5: I Wish I Was Sick **

I wouldn't blame you, dear reader, if you stopped reading after this chapter. I mean, what kind of crazy person falls for their _doctor?_ (Actually, he wasn't my _real_ doctor, but that's beside the point.) To be honest, I could care less what profession Dr. Cullen was. He could be a garbage collector or a lawyer, for all I cared. All I knew was that for the first time in my short life, I was feeling something I'd never felt before. Kate Lansdale in love-what a novel thought. Kate: the antisocial, cranky, bookworm teenager. And it was _not_ the healthiest obsession ever. Talk about a "bad romance."

After Dr. Cullen left, I stood numbly in the driveway for who knows how long. Maybe I just wanted to wait until the time Becky's party would be over, so my parents would think I'd gotten a ride home, and not suspect anything. Or maybe I was imagining how his lips had felt on mine. It was all so quick. I had begun the kiss, but he had pulled away. He'd said he wasn't married. I was a young adult, after all, and there was no way _he_ was over twenty-five. So what was the problem, then?

I trudged up to the porch and rang the doorbell. I knew the answer. I just didn't want to think about it.

The lights flickered on inside the house. "Kate!" my mom opened the screen door. "Aren't you back early?"

"What time is it?"

"A little after 9:30."

I walked past her and shook off my shoes. "I was tired, so one of Becky's friends offered to take me home." I had always been a good liar, though I felt it really wasn't something to be proud of. My mom followed me to the stairs.

"Are you ok, honey? You sound sick."

_Oh, no. Not again,_ I groaned. But then I remembered _him._ Not a bad idea, actually. Being sick.

"No. I'm just tired."

"What happened to your hands?" she asked suspiciously.

"It was crowded, and I got shoved onto the cement. Becky's mom had some gauze, so..."

"How sweet of her. Does it hurt at all?"

I was growing tired of her nagging. I knew she was just doing it to draw something out of me. I _never_ came home early from parties. Usually I enjoyed myself-until I met Dr. Cullen this morning and hated everyone else.

"It's fine," I muttered. "'Night."

She called after me, but I was already in my room with the door shut. I couldn't bear talking to anyone just then. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I changed my stained jeans, and threw on some comfy sweats before jumping in bed. The pillow smelled musty, and had little black hairs strewn across it.

_I'm going to kill that cat. _Flipping the pillow over, I stared up at the ceiling, lost in thought. He said he wasn't married, I repeated to myself. There's nothing to tie him down. Unless there was some girl I didn't know about. Like one of those soap operas on TV. The playboy doctor that slept in and out with the nurses...

I blushed in shame. I could've kicked myself. How could I think such a thing? Dr. Cullen wasn't like that. He was the kindest, most compassionate doctor I'd ever had, and all I could do was think dirty thoughts about him. Yet another reason for him not to have anything to do with me. I was young. I was immature. And _he_ was-

Tears pricked at my eyes, and I buried my face in my pillow. _I don't know what to do,_ I thought desperately. _I just don't know._ For the first time that day, I felt really and truly sick.


	6. Chapter 6: Wish Granted

**Chapter 6: Wish Granted **

I suppose I deserved it. I mean, how many people have actually _wished_ to be so sick they could hardly move?

Well, that's exaggerating a little. I wasn't _that_ ill. I only woke up three days later with a rotten headache, clogged sinuses, a sore throat, and a cough so bad it wracked my chest each time I breathed too deeply. And yet, strangely enough, I was...happy. Contented. I knew how concerned my mom was over the littlest diseases, and she would probably fly me to the hospital the moment I came downstairs. Which was _precisely_ my plan.

Yesterday, I had taken my little sister Joan to Dr. Hireson's usual office, and had been shocked to not find Dr. Cullen there. Was he avoiding me? I asked the receptionist, and she quickly burst into a stream of gossip. "Oh, yes, dear Dr. Cullen is no longer with us," she'd babbled. "Such a pity. I really was growing fond of him." She'd fanned herself with a printed document, fluttering her false eyelashes. I'd resisted the urge to slap her, and quickly asked "where he had been transferred, then." "Oh, over at that big hospital in Greenford. But doesn't little Joan have an appointment today? Dr. Hireson will be with you in five minutes." I'd dragged my sister into the waiting room, anger and hurt sweeping through me. Greenford. That was nearly an hour's drive from our house, but it was the closest hospital. What excuse could I give for going there? I had waited for Dr. Hireson with my sister, trying to hold back the tears. It had seemed so hopeless.

_Until _now, _of course,_ I thought with satisfaction. I went downstairs into the kitchen, and my mom screeched when she saw me. "Good heavens, Kate! What's wrong with you? You're white as parchment paper!"

"I...don't...feel well," I droned, pushing away a bowl of Cheerios. My brother looked at me suspiciously. He was only eleven, but he knew how much I hated-well, _had_ hated-doctors and hospitals and such things. But I _was_ sick, wasn't I? And Doc Hireson really couldn't _do_ anything, could he?

"What's wrong with you?" my mom repeated.

"I don't know," I said, hiding my face in my arm. "I feel terrible."

"Maybe Dr. Hireson is in today. I'll get you a-"

"I don't want to see that idiot," I snapped. "He never helps. I need-I think I need better care." My voice cracked, making my masquerade even more effective. Most parents would've scoffed and told me to go to bed. Not my mom.

"Get in the car," she ordered. "We're going to the hospital."

_Yes!_ My heart thudded, but I remembered to slug wearily out of the house, not bothering to change my sweats and t-shirt. This bothered me, of course. I mean, I didn't want Dr. Cullen to see me like that, but if I came downstairs with makeup and a nice outfit, my mom would be suspicious. Yelling to my siblings that she'd "be right back," my mom shoved me into the minivan, and whizzed out of the driveway. _So it's really happening,_ I thought, closing my eyes. _I'm going to see him again._ I didn't even think about whether or not _he'd_ be glad to see _me._

When we reached the brick, immaculate hospital, my mom rushed me inside with all the speed of an ambulance. It was all I could do not to laugh hysterically as I walked through the automatic doors. _He_ was here. I knew it.

"Kate!" she pulled at my arm. "Get over here." She shoved me into a chair. "Don't even _move._"

I nodded, and she disappeared to the reception desk, probably to give them some far-fetched rigmarole about how desperately ill I was. Who cares? I thought, curling up in my seat. The sicker I was, the better. Of course, I realized how childish I was acting; lying to my mom, feinting serious illnesses, and giggling like a little girl over some man whom I barely even _knew._ But it wasn't really _my_ fault, I reasoned, though whose it was, exactly, I couldn't say. And there was no limit to what I would do for...him. He was the kind of person you would jump off a cliff or drink poison for. Literally.

"Are you Katherine?" A soft voice by my ear made me jump. A nurse was bending over me, fastening one of those stupid bands on my wrist. It was a little tight, squeezing the blood from my wrist whenever I moved it.

"It's _Kate,_ actually." Only _one _person was allowed to call me by my full name. The kindly nurse put her arm around my shoulder. "Can you walk OK, or do I need to bring a wheelchair?"

_Good heck, Mom. What did you _tell _them?_ "Um...I can walk," I replied, trying to suppress the sarcasm. I had to at least _act_ like I was seriously ill. We walked slowly, the three of us, down to a small room at the end of the hall. I was glad to see a door blocking out the chaos of the scrambling medical teams, instead of those infernal curtains that didn't give you any privacy whatsoever. They had curtains at my school, and some idiot was always shoving them aside to see what poor, unfortunate soul was lying sick on the bed. But there was a door, and it had a lock. My nurse helped me onto a bed infinitely comfier than the one at Doc Hireson's office, with _real _pillows and blankets. I drank some cool water she gave me, and then she left me with my mom, satisfied with the current healthiness of my vitals and blood pressure.

Of course, the minute Dr. Cullen appeared in the hallway, that all changed drastically. My mom held my hand, concerned by the sudden rapid staccato of my heartbeat. "Is this working right?" she mused, tapping the heart rate monitor. I barely heard her. _He's coming, _I thought, trying not to hyperventilate. I closed my eyes, pretending to breathe shallowly, and watched him through my eyelashes. He entered the room with a smile, shaking my mom's hand. His eyes, however, had a strangely guarded expression. "How are we today?" he asked.

My mom began her rant on my terrible illness. I didn't dare open my eyes until she'd finished, and Dr. Cullen called my name.

"Katherine? Are you well enough to sit up?"

I opened my eyes, and saw his angelic face barely three inches from mine. My heart nearly stopped. I slowly pushed myself to a more upright position, remembering there were more than just two people present. Dr. Cullen unwound his stethoscope, and listened carefully to my breathing, as he'd done before. I noticed with a pang that he only touched me if it was absolutely necessary, and then immediately moving away as if my skin burned him. He smiled at everyone-the nurse, my mother, a male assistant who asked him about some lab results-everyone but me. His eyes never met mine either, not even when he called in someone named Sandra to help draw blood from my arm for testing.

"Is that really necessary?" my mom asked, her forehead puckering.

Dr. Cullen flashed a smile at her, and my heart tightened again. "She may only have a bad cold," he said calmly, "but with a cough and infected sinuses like that, it could well be something more serious, like the flu. Has she had any vaccinations lately?"

"All the ones I could get her, as well as tetanus. Her school requires most of them."

"Good." The doctor stood beside Sandra, watching as she withdrew the needle from my fragile skin. A dark stream of blood flowed from the puncture. I turned away in revulsion, and my eyes abruptly met with _his._ If he had not already been acting so distance and reserved with me, I would have been frightened by the expression on his face. I had never seen one like it. His eyes-the color of which I had yet to decipher-were wild and dilated, until he closed them, passing a shaking hand over his face. Disturbed, I turned to watch Sandra, who was cleaning up the mess on my arm, apologizing. "You have a very healthy vital system, honey," she chuckled. "I've never seen blood flow out so suddenly like that." She patted my shoulder and left with her medical cart of supplies. I looked at my mom. She was just putting her cell phone back into her purse. "Well, that's good news," she said practically, turning to the doctor. I was relieved to see his face appeared calm again. More like the Dr. Cullen I knew. "I'm sorry, doctor," she said. "My son has just called me from home. I'll need to leave Kate here and get back to my other three children."

"Of course," Dr. Cullen said smoothly. She thanked him and turned to me. "Do _exactly_ as this man tells you, and don't overexert yourself. I'll be back to pick you up in a half-hour. Good-bye, doctor. Thank you for helping my daughter."

"Certainly. She'll be in good care." My mom smiled and closed the door behind her. I looked back at the doctor. We stared at each other in silence, then I spoke as softly as my hoarse throat could manage. "Why are you so angry with me?"

He drew a pen from his white coat pocket. "You'll need some chest medicine for that cough. Ever had Triaminic?"

"You're ignoring me."

"I have a job to do, Katherine," he said wearily. "Please don't make it more difficult."

"I only want an answer."

"Katherine, I-"

I reached my hand towards him, brushing his cool fingers before he shuddered away from me. "Please..."

His eyes met mine briefly. They were blue, with the weird distortion of a contact lens, but perfect like the rest of his body.

"Please?" I repeated.


	7. Chapter 7: Breaking the Rules

_This, dear readers, is undeniably one of my favorite chapters. Big surprise. I'm _such _a sentimentalist. Kate really isn't, though, which is always a reason for me to laugh at myself. :) Someone like Carlisle Cullen really can make you fall in love with "falling in love." (does that make ANY sense?) _

**Chapter 7: Breaking the Rules **

"Why do you think I'm angry?" he asked me. He leaned against the medicine counter, knuckles clenched white on the edges. I tried to speak, but another glitch caught in my lungs, raking up my chest painfully. I hunched forward, a fit of coughing seizing me. My breathing circulation was reduced, and I clutched my throat in panic. I saw him move, finally, when he heard how bad I sounded. The stethoscope was coiled in his hands like a snake, and he pressed it to my upper chest.

"Breathe deeply," he told me. I breathed, ignoring the pain that stabbed my lungs. He walked around to stand behind me. His cold hands lifted the back of my shirt to listen better, and my heart rate went wild. I gasped, blue and yellow lights flashing before my eyes. He looked at me, bewildered by my reaction. I heaved for air, but the result was pathetic.

"_Breathe,_" he repeated.

"I-I can't! I _can't!"_ I burst into sobs, coughing every now and then. I tried to see him clearly, but everything was a blur. I felt his hand rub my shoulder, which only made me cry harder. His face came painfully close to mine; a god's presence next to a mortal. That did it. I felt the thread of tension snap in two. "Oh, God..." I sobbed.

"Katherine!" he pleaded. "Katherine! What's wrong? Is it that bad?"

I choked through my tears, my face moist and swollen. "It's not that," I cried. "It's you. It's all your fault."

He stepped back. "What are you talking about?"

_Gosh dang it! I couldn't _see _anything!_ "I can't take it anymore!"

"Can't take what anymore?"

"This!" I grabbed his wrists, surprising him. He tried to pull away, but I wasn't letting go. I lifted his hands to my face, covering them with kisses. My tears splashed onto his skin...soaked his sleeve...fell to the floor. I let them fall. I was barely coherent. I pressed his cold, soothing skin to my feverish face and looked up at him in despair. "You don't know what this does to me," I sobbed. "Every time you touch me; every time you enter a room, I can't think straight. You don't know how it feels..."

His eyes softened. "Katherine," he said gently. "You're sick. You don't know what you're saying."

I shoved him away. "Yes, I _do! _You just don't want me to say it, do you? Well, I will. I'll shout it for the whole world to hear. I love you. I love you, and I'm not ashamed of it."

There was no sound except for my sobbing. When had I lost control like that before? Never. I'd been doing a lot of strange things lately, it seemed. Like a maniac, actually. And it all lead back to how I felt about him.

Dr. Cullen was standing in the middle of the room, not moving. I couldn't tell how he felt about what I'd just said. Finally, he spoke. "What do you want me to do?" he asked softly.

"Nothing. It's not your problem. It's _mine_." I blew my nose, pulling my purse over my shoulder. "This isn't the only hospital clinic in town. I'll go somewhere else."

Suddenly he was before me, blocking the door. How had he gotten there so fast? "I don't understand." His eyes were so beautiful, staring through me. "If you say you love me, then how can you just leave?"

I stared at him. "It will be... hard," I stammered. "But I'm young. I'll get over it." I knew, though, that I was lying. So did he.

"Katherine..." he whispered. His hands cradled my face gently.

I moved away. "Please don't," I said. "Don't make this harder than it is."

He followed me. Turmoil raged in his eyes. I kept walking backwards, away from him, and hated myself for doing it.

"I haven't helped things at all, have I?" he asked. "Maybe _I _am the one who should leave."

_No. _"You haven't done anything, Dr. Cullen."

"I led you on that night in the car, remember? I should have let you get out right away."

"Please stop accusing yourself. I'm leaving. I won't bother you again."

My fingertips touched the wall behind me. He came closer, and there was nowhere else to move. I felt his hands go around my waist, and was suddenly afraid. _Of what?_ I thought wildly. Of the pain this would cause me afterwards? Of the passion that threatened to rip through me at any moment? His bright eyes held me in their gaze, and he pulled me forward.

"Katherine..." he murmured, brushing the tip of his nose across my forehead. I literally thought I would die. Right there, in his arms. I could hardly breathe. I couldn't think of anything except how close his body was to me. It was cold and hard, like stone.

"Don't-" I feebly tried to pull away. _Idiot,_ I thought.

"Trust me..." I heard his breath coming rapidly, fanning across my face until I was almost intoxicated. I staggered dizzily, burying my face in my hands. "St-stop. You-you don't know what you're doing."

He pulled my hands away, and suddenly I felt cold lips moving against mine. Evoking sensations I didn't know I was capable of. I felt like a limp doll in his arms. The date, the time, the inflammation in my chest... all of that was so irrelevant now. All I knew, all I wanted to know, was that he was kissing me. I was being lifted up into a haven where time had dissolved entirely, and nothing but the both of us mattered. My arms felt heavy and slow, like they didn't really belong to me, but I lifted them anyway, curling my fingers into his hair. His chest was pressing against me, hurting me, but I couldn't remember what pain was. I just wanted him to go on like this. Never stopping...

He gasped suddenly, breaking away from me. I stumbled, almost falling. Stars danced in front of my eyes.

"What?" I panted, leaning against the wall. He turned away, his fists clenched. I saw him turn and look at me once; his eyes on fire, but his face filled with shame. "I shouldn't have done that," he whispered. "Forgive me. Please forgive me."

I stared at him. I couldn't believe it. He was acting like he thought I was _sorry._ _Angry_ at him. As if I'd slapped his face, or shoved him away in hatred and disgust.

"Don't apologize," I begged him. I reached out towards his unmoving form. "I'm not sorry."

He moved in a sudden blur, and his hands were bruising my arms. I froze in shock. He moved too fast for me. It was...unnatural. "Don't say that!" he whispered, desperation choking his voice. "This_ never_ happened, do you understand?"

I was silent. So were the tears that streamed down my face.

"_Please, _Katherine!" he pleaded.

I nodded blindly, and he left the room without looking back. I sank down on the crinkly mattress, clutching my chest to restrain the sobs that threatened to escape any moment. I heard footsteps in the passageway. I wiped away my tears and braced myself as the annoying nurse bustled into the room. What a drastic change, after the presence that had just been there. As she checked my chart and babbled something else insignificant, I didn't say anything. Just smiled and nodded like a fool. When my mom sped into the room and hovered over me, I didn't cry. When we checked out at the desk-me standing there aimlessly-I didn't cry. Even when the doors shut behind us, and we drove out of sight of the hospital, I didn't cry. I crossed my arms, ignoring my mother's queries, until we got home. Then I climbed the garage steps, shoved past my squabbling, gaping-mouthed siblings, and crashed through my bedroom door. Something caught on the knob. It was my wrist band. I yanked at the stubborn plastic, gasping when it cut free and sliced through my skin. I stared at the blood in horrified fascination. It glowed bright-red on my skin, smearing the carpet when I sank to the floor, my fist pressed to my mouth to suppress a scream.

"_This never happened...this never happened..." _


	8. Chapter 8: A Strange Name

**Chapter 8: A Strange Name **

Are you crying too, dear reader? Or is that just myself, ruining these pages with my tears? I hope I'm not the only one... As I've said before, I was the epitome of an uninteresting teenager. I had no secrets, nor did I have anything to be greatly ashamed of. I had never been depressed, either, which was weird enough among my boy-crazy friends. So when I began locking myself in my room for hours, and seldom showing myself to my family or venturing outside, naturally everyone started to worry. I was depressed. There was no other word for it. I was depressed and I was in pain. Only the pain was not what could be cured by pills or therapy. It was an inner pain, suffered by the heart and conscience alone. I ignored everyone's entreaties to tell them what was wrong, and hid away like a coward with my heartache. How typical.

"_If you say you love me, then how can you just leave...?"_ I repeated our brief conversation over and over in my mind. What had he meant by that? Was he reproaching me for running away? Was he just subtly hinting that he, too, might lo- But I stopped myself there. That thought was highly unlikely, and would only cause me more unnecessary pain.

"I love you," I whispered, feeling his lips on mine; so soft, so gentle... How many times had I said that, talking to no one but myself? Could I get any crazier? "I love you. I know you don't care, but I do."

"Kate?" A knock sounded at my door. I looked up wearily. "What do you want?"

"Don't get mad," my brother called. "I don't want to come in; I just came to tell you that everybody's leaving to go to the concert over at the town theater tonight. Are you sure you don't wanna come?"

"No. I'm sick," I lied.

"Yeah, you've been sick for a long time now," he retorted, his footsteps fading downstairs. Soon afterwards, all sounds in the house ceased, and I was entirely alone. I opened my door and walked into the bathroom, gazing miserably at the shadows around my eyes. The phone rang somewhere, but I ignored it. Pulling on a warm sweater, I shuffled downstairs to eat something. It was nice having the kitchen to myself, I mused. No one stared at me, or asked annoying questions. I threw a sandwich together carelessly, along with a glass of milk. As I reached for a few crackers in the cupboard, I leaned over to press the answering machine button on the phone. The first message was inaudible, and the second was something about a conference call for my mom's work. I punched the button again.

"_You have one new message,"_ the voice droned. _"Friday. 5:20pm."_ The line crackled slightly, and I was just about to delete it in annoyance when a voice filtered through. "Hello. This is Dr. Cullen from Greenford hospital. I treated your daughter Kate several weeks ago, as well as at Dr. Hireson's clinic..."

My heart thumped rapidly against my chest. I listened, hardly daring to breathe.

"...I would like to speak with her on a matter of importance. Please have her call me back as soon as she can at this number..." I frantically jotted it down, and babbled something incoherent into the phone once I had the number.

"Who is calling?" the nurse asked in a monotone. I gave her all the particulars, and she told me to hold the line. After an agonizing wait of a few minutes, she picked up the phone again. "I'm sorry, Miss Lansdale, but Dr. Cullen has already left for the weekend. He won't be back until Monday morning."

"Oh." Disappointment crushed me, and I barely managed to say, "Could you-could you give me his full name and address. The matter he spoke of..." I thought quickly. "...it's _very,_ very important, and I need to mail something to him by tomorrow."

"I'm not really supposed to do that," she said coldly.

"Please?" I begged. "I won't tell anybody. It's a very urgent matter."

"Well, all right," she said, yielding. "Do you have a pen?" As she spoke, I scribbled his address on the palm of my hand.

"And his name?"

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen, M.D."

I paused, tasting the name on my tongue. "'Carlisle?' How do you spell that?"

She told me. It was one of the strangest names I'd ever seen. Probably old-fashioned. "Thank you," I said gratefully, and hung up.

_Carlisle. _I rushed across the kitchen, scribbling a hasty note for my mom to see: _Left to hang out with Becky at the mall. Might sleep over afterwards. Don't worry. Love you._ Knowing my mom, she would be overjoyed that I'd finally come out of my depressive shell and was talking to my friends again. I left the note on the table in plain view, and ran to get my jacket and cellphone upstairs. After making sure all the doors were locked, I slipped out to the garage and turned the keys in our smaller, less frequently used Mercury. I drove off down the road, knowing exactly where I was going, but without having the slightest clue of what to do once I got there.

_Carlisle._


	9. Chapter 9: Where He Lives

**Chapter 9: Where He Lives **

"Wow," I gasped. It was an underestimated reaction.

It had been drizzling when I'd left the house, turning into a full-blown downpour by the time I reached the freeway. I cursed more often than I usually did, mostly because I hated driving in bad weather, and the half-healed cut on my wrist was hurting me. I hadn't ever shown it to my mom, because she always freaked out at the slightest wound-even a paper cut-and wildly exclaimed that you needed stitches._ Well, I'm not one to talk, _I thought grimly, peering over the steering wheel. _After all, my mom wouldn't lie to her parents, take off in the middle of the afternoon, and go stalking people. _

I fiddled with the radio, trying to take my mind off of my troubles and self-doubt. Sounds of an orchestra playing something by Bach filtered through the speakers, and I reached for the tuning knob in annoyance. I hated classical music. In the end, however, I had to be contented with the fact that there was nothing good to listen to, and I turned off another exit, sulking. When I checked a passing sign and saw I was actually on the right road, I realized how grateful I was for the invention of the GPS. I would _never _have found hishouse on my own. I hummed to myself as the rain finally slowed down a bit. I had a pretty good idea of what the doctor's house would be like. A modest, simple suburban home, probably. Non-descript and lacking in any extravagance. So when I rounded another corner and found myself on "Stoneview Ct.," I was taken completely by surprise.

_Did she give me the wrong address?_ I thought stupidly. I stared hard ahead of me, as if what I saw would vanish in smoke at any moment. Yet there it stood; gray and unmoving, as it had probably done for centuries. Still slightly dazed, I parked the car so that it was hidden beneath some cypress willows, and sloshed through the rain to get a closer look.

It was unbelievable. Did they even _build _places like this anymore? I wondered. The house was not what I would call a mansion, but its marble pillars and slightly arching balconies were far from the norm of a "modest, suburban home." Moss and ivy carved an ancient path through the vast network of stones, ending suddenly at the slated roof, which sloped in a strange fashion towards the front entrance. I could only guess at the_ true_ color of the grand old house. Blue? Pale yellow? Any shade could have been painted on its unrelenting walls, and yet Time had obliterated any remaining clues. Now a simple, lifeless gray dominated, making the place even gloomier. I pushed open the broken garden gate, feeling like I'd stepped into one of Elizabeth Gaskell's "Gothic Tales." I could tell by the fading light in the sky that it was almost evening. I shivered. _This can't be where he lives._

I walked straight up the crumbling steps, and stood there in the freezing-cold air for who knows how long. What was I doing there? How did I know he wouldn't just kick me out? I remembered the look on his face from the hospital. He'd entered my room guardedly, and left in despair. _Congratulations, Kate,_ I thought miserably. _Every time you see that poor man, something happens. You want him, but _he _doesn't want _you. It took a few moments for me to hold back the tears that pricked my eyes, and lift my hand to knock.

"What are you doing here?" called a voice behind me.

I froze, warmth washing through my skin. Gosh, I missed that voice. My heart thumped out its gratitude, and I felt nearly stifled with joy. I waited for a moment, as if hoping to feel his hand on my shoulder; his voice calling out my name... But nothing happened. I turned around, trance-like, to face him, but I couldn't see him. Didn't even know where he was.

"What are you doing here?" he repeated. I heard the voice straight in front of me.

"I-I got your message," I stammered. "So I thought I'd..."

A shadow detached itself from the grove of trees that sheltered my car. I saw it reach for something by the gate, and suddenly a stream of lights came to life around the house. I looked above me, smiling in spite of myself. It still looked gloomy, but the globes of yellow light gave a lustrous vitality to the place that you couldn't see in daylight.

"Well?" I heard him say, and I turned around. My heart constricted. He was standing only a few feet away, and the sudden closeness made me shiver with surprise. His fair hair was darkened by sparkling drops of moisture, and it curled on his pale skin like a male model from _Vogue_ magazine. His face was expressionless, if I'd even bothered to look, but I was too busy noticing other details. Details like his loosened tie, or the unbuttoned collar of his shirt, or the way he stood with his feet slight apart, with his hands jammed in his pant pockets. I tried not to smile. He was so deliciously unprofessional at that moment, so different from how I'd ever seen him before, that I felt my love for him give me fresh courage. I smiled and gestured towards the door.

"I thought you were inside."

"I was on a walk. Why are you here?"

I ignored his icy tone. "I received your message earlier today," I said, still smiling. "You know, about 'something important'?"

"Could you not call me, Katherine? I left you my number."

I sighed with relief. At least he hadn't reverted to "Miss Lansdale." "It sounded like it was too 'important' to be discussed over the phone," I said sweetly. He didn't answer, so I feigned indifference. "But since you're _obviously _not excited I'm here, I'll just get my keys and go back home."

He pushed past me suddenly, and I was momentarily intoxicated by his scent mixed with the pure smell of rain. He unlocked the door in a second, and held it open for me wearily. "Come in, Katherine."

Apparently I was destined to be surprised that evening, for I gasped again upon entering his house. Inside, it was as modern and comfortable as a house could get. He had great taste, too, I mused, craning my head back at a brilliant, crystal chandelier. Dr. Cullen took my coat in silence, but I thought I saw him smile as he disappeared to the closet. I eyed the richly-upholstered couches and chairs enviously, wondering if he'd let me sit down with my damp clothes and ratty hair streaming water down my back. The furniture was almost too fine to touch, as were the oil paintings that lined the walls, or the fragile sculptures posing beneath them. I gazed about me dumbly, wishing I wasn't so ignorant about art and stuff like that. For someone who read as much as _I_ did, I certainly didn't _know_ a great deal. Dr. Cullen was beside my elbow suddenly, scrutinizing a picture. I jumped.

"Do you know what this is?" he asked me. I shook my head. "It's a _Monet,_" he said reverently, running his finger along the gilt edge of the frame. "Not a duplicate, either. The genuine piece."

"Really?" I murmured, not so much interested in the painting as the profile of the man who described it. I could tell art was important to him, though, and I enjoyed watching him tell me about various other works. He used his hands frequently, now gesturing in the air to describe a certain time period; now pointing to a miniature model of _David _that stood next to me.

"How do you know so much about all this?" I asked after a while. "Did you study art in college?"

"You could say I studied a lot of things," he said quietly. His eyes were far-away.

"Wouldn't that be hard? Along with studying medicine, I mean?"

"Not if you're determined. And _very_ patient." He smiled, as if remembering something. I smiled myself, watching the pale beauty of his face curve softly in the light. The chandelier was unbearably bright...or maybe I was just blinded by his eyes when he looked down at me.

"Katherine," he said slowly. "I wanted to talk to you...not here, but that can't be helped now." He smiled at me again, almost like a scolding father. "I wanted to ask if you would do something for me."

"Anything," I promised recklessly. He stared so long and hard at me, I began to feel dizzy. _Carlisle..._

"Listen carefully. I'm going to take you out to your car, and I'm going to drive you home. Are you listening to me?"

"Yes." _Duh._

"Then, after I drop you off, you're going to go to sleep, and forget that you ever, _ever_ knew me."

Another 'yes' was on my tongue, but a bitter taste rose in my throat, and I moved away from him in shock. "What?"

"You heard me, Katherine. I want you to forget."

"Never."

"_Please,_ Katherine!" he begged me. His hand was suddenly cold on mine, but I looked away stubbornly. "This is for _your_ sake as well as mine. Do this for me. If you love me, you will do it."

I whirled on him fiercely. "If I truly loved you, I wouldn't ever let you go!"

"You promised."

"Screw my promise! How could you ask this of me, Carlisle? I don't want anyone else."

I saw his fists clench at the sound of his name. "You wouldn't, if you knew," he whispered.

"If I knew _what?_ What the h- is _wrong _with you?"

He flinched, and I regretted my harsh words. "Just trust me," he pleaded.

I glared at him. "No."

We faced each other, and his face was almost angry in its despair. Then a shadow passed over his eyes, and he smiled. It was a strange, frightening smile. He held my hand tightly, bruising the knuckles. "Come with me," he whispered, his voice cold. "I'll show you how much you want me." He pulled me across the room and up the steps of a winding, marble staircase. Stumbling after him, I began, very slightingly, to feel afraid.

* * *

I had never had reason to fear Dr. Cullen-or 'Carlisle', as I now thought of him. He seemed incapable of being furiously angry, or wild with any kind of emotion. His whole personality embodied love, goodness, and a wonderful sense of compassion for others. I couldn't think of anything that would make him _abnormal._ Well, his good looks, perhaps. But there were other perfect people, right? They just chose different paths, like stardom, licentiousness, and modeling for fashion magazines. Not like my Carlisle. I trusted him implicitly...with my life, as a matter of fact. How could I know that anything he would say could hurt me? How could I know he was anything but the most perfect, kindhearted man in the entire world?

I remember that night, readers. I should, because it changed my life.


	10. Chapter 10: No Fangs

**Chapter 10: No Fangs **

"_A death-blow is a life-blow to some_

_Who, till they died, did not alive become;_

_Who, had they lived, had, died, but when_

_They died, vitality begun."_

I stared at the framed inscription, my lips moving as I read through it carefully. The words were thrilling, but they made no sense to me. I turned to look at Carlisle. His hand was still tight on mine; a fact I was trying to ignore. "What is this?" I asked.

"A poem."

_Obviously,_ I wanted to say, but the expression on his face stopped me. We hadn't spoken since he'd dragged me up the stairs and gone through a maze of hallways, doors, and paintings, until I wondered if he wasn't just leading me into some kind of bizarre dream, where real people and places were non-existent, and there was nothing but his burning eyes and the pressure of his hand.

Carlisle released my hand and opened a door to the far right. It was a rusty contrast to the polished, clean look of the rest of the house. I stepped past him cautiously into pitch darkness. Air cold as death hit my face. _What _is_ this? _A shiver of horrifying visions shot through my brain: psychopaths luring women to their houses...dead bodies buried in the basement...

"Oh, shut up!" I half-screamed. Light flickered on from a single light-bulb on the ceiling, as if in answer to my strange reaction. I whirled around. Carlisle stood by a light switch, his face anxious. "Did you say something?" he asked. I shook my head, embarrassed. "No. Sorry." I was going to say more, but my voice died away as I looked about me at the artwork on the walls. The light wasn't as bright as those downstairs, but it was enough for me to see the characters drawn morbidly in oil paints, pastels, or crude woodcuts and engravings. The picture to my left depicted an angry mob clustered around a woman swathed in white with her hair streaming to the ground. Something stuck out from her chest, and a man above her held a sort of tool high above his head. I turned away in disgust to see an engraving of a skeletal creature latched onto the throat of a sobbing victim. I was relieved that neither were in color. They were already too lifelike; too appalling to look at...

I concentrated on each image, only to break away in terror after a few seconds. A grisly pattern was shaping itself before my eyes. Each piece of art—from woodcuts of the Black Plague to a vivid oil painting of a crypt-represented something to do with death or despair. But the creatures featured in each image weren't dead, were they? I pressed a hand to my eyes. _Were they? _

Carlisle stood beside me, following in silence as I took in each new horror. I couldn't bring myself to ask him any questions, because I didn't want to hear him answer. How could someone I loved take pleasure in such...such...

"This is one of my art collections," he said suddenly. His voice was so low I could hardly hear it. "What do you think of it?"

I had to force myself to speak. "It's... nice," I said lamely. There was nothing else I could say. I knew he could hear the fear in my voice. He walked up to me, pushing me gently in front of him. "This way."

I turned my head, but there wasn't much to look at, even in the dim light. Every now and then, a wooden cross appeared on the wall, or a poorly-framed painting too dim for me to see clearly. But as we walked further, my attention was caught by a large picture at the far end of the hall. It dominated the tiny space, eclipsing anything else that hung near it. Carlisle left my side, flicking on a small light that had been specially made for _that_ painting, then stepped back behind me. "Well?" he said softly.

I was lost for words. It was a masterpiece. It had apparently been painted in one of the Golden Ages of the Renaissance, but that was as far as my knowledge of that era went. My eyes swept over the gaudily-dressed, drunken crowd at the bottom, and fixed themselves on four, striking figures posing on a balcony. My heart caught in my throat when I recognized in each one the same beautiful characteristics as the person standing behind me. The first one was very pale, as if his skin color had spread to his hair. The second figure was central to the painting, and regarded the roaring crowds with contempt. He was dark, as was the man standing behind him. And the fourth figure...

I stepped closer, almost touching my nose to the glossy surface. It was hard to believe what I was seeing. The figure stared back at me compassionately, his features remarkably like an angel's. My eyes filled with tears of disbelief. I turned to face Carlisle, my lips trembling. "What's going on, Carlisle? Who is that man in the painting?"

"Which one?"

"You _know_ who I mean. The blonde one."

His eyes looked at me sadly. "Myself, Katherine."

I laughed shortly. "That's impossible. It's not even _probable._"

"If you love me, Katherine," he whispered, "and you want to be with me, you're going to have to face the impossible."

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said. You see, I have not been entirely honest with you. I have lied to you; just as I lie to everyone I meet."

"I don't understand."

"No, you don't." He smiled that strange smile again. "How could you?" Then his face hardened again, and a burning filled his eyes. Eyes, I noticed with sudden shock, that were not blue anymore, but a melting, amber color like gold.

"Hey," I said. "Nice contacts."

Carlisle laughed, shaking his head. "Look at the picture again, Katherine."

Confused, I walked back to the gilt-framed painting. It was then I noticed the eerie light in three of the figure's eyes, which had so puzzled me before. Red? Was that even possible? I looked at the fourth man slowly, not wanting to at first, but his eyes shone out at me even brighter than ever.

I looked back at his twin behind me. "You're kidding, right?" I said. "Those aren't your _real _eyes."

"I won't lie to you anymore, Katherine. I'm telling the truth."

"Then tell me this: what does this all mean? Who-what _are_ you?" The strange question blurted from my lips.

"You won't believe me."

I walked up to him and put my arms around his neck. "You can tell me."

He closed his eyes, the lashes dark on his cheek. Then he looked at me. "I'm a vampire, love."

I laughed, staggering backwards. This was beyond ridiculous. Was I dreaming? Had I suddenly just cracked under all the depression and strain? I laughed wildly, clutching my chest, and wondered if Carlisle was also a psychologist. "I don't believe it," I said finally. "I can't understand you, Carlisle. I'm trying; I really am. But you're asking too much."

"I expected you say that," he said, almost to himself. "How can I persuade you?"

"By proving it, obviously," I said. Feeling like an idiot, I walked up to him. "Open your mouth," I demanded.

He stared at me. "What?"

"Open your mouth. I want to see your fangs."

He looked at me incredulously, then slowly parted his lips. I blinked as two rows of dazzling, white teeth were exposed. I lifted a finger cautiously. "See? No fangs," I teased, running my finger along the edge.

"Katherine, don't..." he began, but it was too late. I jumped back with a gasp, clutching my hand. I smeared away a stream of blood to see a long, deep cut on the underside of my skin. "*&%$!" I screeched, biting my lip against the pain. How could one flippin' appendage _hurt_ so much?

"I warned you," he said. He tried to take my hand, but I tore away. For the first time, I was beginning to really _see _him. He leaned against the wall, like a Greek statue frozen in time, as if he didn't quite belong in the present. His face was the only thing that moved; his eyes glowing a fiery-gold as he watched me anxiously. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Forgive me."

I wanted to kiss his him, tell him I didn't mind, but something held me back. Was it fear? "I think..." I moved back slightly. "I think I made a mistake in coming here."

He reached out his hand. "Don't leave," he pleaded. "I'm sure I can explain things better."

"You already have. I understand."

He stared at me. "You do?"

"Yes." I let go of the door handle, and faced him. "You explained things very well. You have a problem, and it's preventing you from caring about me."

"I never said-"

"And it's so terrible you can't even talk to me about it." I bit my lip. "I don't want to hear anymore, Carlisle. Not if it damages what I think and feel about you."

I felt his hand on my shoulder, and his sweet scent surrounded me. "Do you love me that much?" he whispered. When I didn't answer, he drew me against his chest gently, and his chin rested on top of my head. I don't remember if I cried or not. It was impossible to think of anything else when he was so close to me. Anything except what he'd just told me. If what Carlisle said was true, then I was making the worst decision of my life: loving a vampire. I almost smiled. Where had I heard that before? It sounded like a story that teenagers sighed over, or a dimestore novel desperate women bought to make up for lack of romance in their lives. I didn't consider myself stupid, and I'd certainly never felt desperation before. And yet...and yet here I was, tied by an unseen power to something that I loved more than life itself. I didn't like romance novels; I avoided them. I preferred mysteries, horror stories, or historical fiction. Never romance. Not for Katherine Lansdale. Because she could make it on her own. She didn't need love...

I felt Carlisle's lips on my hair, and tears squeezed from my eyes. _Yeah, right._

"I have to go." I pulled away from him, noticing more than ever how hard and smooth his skin was. More proof I'd overlooked.

"You can't drive home," he said. "It's almost nine o'clock."

"I have a license. I'm fine." I opened the door, but he stepped ahead of me quickly. "Let me lead you down there. You can get lost in this house if you don't know the way."

I wished he hadn't said that, because the less I saw of him before leaving, the easier it would be to just go home…back to my old, boring life. We walked past his morbid gallery (in darkness, thankfully), past the strange quote, and finally down the winding, slippery staircase. I started counting the seconds it took for me to get my coat on and find my car keys, because they were numbering down my precious time with him.

"Good-bye," he smiled softly, holding open the door for me. I walked outside, then turned back. I looked at him standing there-his golden hair waving back from his forehead-and felt like my heart would burst. His eyes, which had unnerved me at first, now shone with the light of an angel. Vampire or not, he wasn't evil. I would be a monster for even thinking it, or even-

"Oh, screw it," I muttered, running back up the steps. I wrapped my arms around Carlisle's neck in a strangle hold, and pressed my mouth roughly to his. Then, before he could say anything, I ran through the darkness to my car, the taste of him still burning on my tongue.

* * *

**This chapter is my favorite so far, mostly because Carlisle just comes across so beautifully to me, and I try so hard to keep his character the way it should be. **

**Twi-fans will probably notice the significance of the "picture" in the gallery, with the "four figures." :) **


	11. Chapter 11: Not Thirsty

**Chapter 11: Not Thirsty**

"Now, Kate. You're not going to lose the key again, are you?"

"No, Mom."

"And you won't forget your cough medicine?"

"No, Mom."

"And you'll call us, right?"

"Yes, Mom." The responses flowed out of me automatically, without me having any sense of what I was really saying. I only felt relief that I would be alone—actually alone—in the house for a week. The family would be spending time with my dad's sister in Florida, as well as a day at Seaworld. It was a trip I'd been looking forward to all summer, but due to my "conduct" earlier, I had been grounded indoors for a week. When I'd finally gotten back from the doctor's house, it was past midnight, due to heavy traffic. My parents had sat up for me, and I received one of the worst scoldings I'd ever had in my life. "Where were you?" they'd demanded over and over again. What could I say? They had called Becky, who said she hadn't seen me for awhile, and asked "what I meant by a sleepover." So much for lying. Yet as I sat on the couch, being bombarded by indignant protests and scoldings, I realized I wasn't sorry. I wouldn't have traded those few hours with Carlisle for anything. Who knew? They might've been the last.

After getting nothing but mumbled answers from me, my sentence had been set. No friends, no phone...nothing. I couldn't even leave the house. Becky called and sympathized with me, but she mostly just gushed about her own daily activities, and how sexy her new boyfriend looked in swim gear. I hung up as soon as I could, then flung myself restlessly on my bed. I had definitely reached the breaking point. There was no question about that. A bright light was blinding me, and somewhere in the sea of blindness, I could see _his_ face. There was no expression; nothing but a relentless desire to touch him—reach past the smoky haze and find the pure soul I knew was beneath. _Vampire._ He was draining the life out of me without even doing anything. Draining away anything I'd thought was real, or believed in.

When the doorbell rang, I pretended not to hear it. Screw the neighbors. Then the cat started mewing pathetically, and I heaved myself to my feet. Passing a mirror, I was shocked to see I'd been crying. Black tears marked my face where my makeup had smeared. I looked hideous. "Here, kitty," I called, coming downstairs. She was sitting very still in front of the door. As I came closer, I saw the hair on her back was raised, and her teeth were spread in a snarl. "What's wrong?" I cooed, stroking her head. She lashed out at me with a paw, and I jumped back. "What the—?"

Her head snapped backwards, eyes like yellow lanterns, and she darted up the stairs. Two seconds later she was back, yowling her head off before she plunged under the table. Her teeth were still bared.

"What's the matter with you, Rusty?" I said, exasperated. "What's up there?"

I gave up trying to coax her out, then decided to go check for myself. Besides, the TV controls were on my mom's plasma screen, and I wanted to watch something. I was walking to her room when I realized the light in my bedroom was on. Hadn't I turned it off? I pushed the door open. Something black flashed at the corner of my eye. "Crazy cat!" I shouted, whirling around. Then I saw the figure standing behind my door. His pale hands were lifted in front of him, and his radiant eyes were laughing at me.

* * *

"This is a mistake," I heard Carlisle say to himself. His face was regretful until I took it between my two hands. "If it is," I whispered seriously, "then it's most beautiful one we ever made."

He looked at me, still uncertain.

"Well?" I did a little twirl, gesturing around me. "What do you think?"

He stepped forward slowly, looking at the row of pictures on my bureau. His fingers brushed along the surface, and came to rest on a picture of me when I was 10. I remembered that one without even looking. My mom had sneaked in while I was asleep and snapped a photo of me with my arms spread out, and my legs hanging off the bed. Carlisle chuckled, his eyes sparkling. "Is this you?"

"Yeah." Why did I suddenly feel embarrassed?

He touched a baby picture of me with my mom. "You were very pretty."

"I was very pretty?"

He laughed, but didn't answer. His face was mischievous as he walked towards my bed and slid his pale hand smoothly under my pillow. "Funny," he said, his hand coming up empty.

"What?"

"Don't girls your age hide pictures under their pillows? I thought I'd find myself there."

I rolled my eyes. "Huh. That's adolescent. Where would I get a photo of _you_, anyway, Carlisle? Besides, I doubt you'd even _show up_ in a photograph. There'd be a bright flash, or something."

He sat on the edge of my bed. "Why? Because we aren't human?"

I winced. "I haven't gotten used to that yet."

"Naughty girl. Letting a strange vampire into your bedroom."

_A darn sexy one, at that, _I thought. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. "Well, _you're_ the one who came here in the _first_ place."

"Yes." He frowned slightly. "I'm still trying to explain that to myself."

I sat beside him, feeling as timid as the day he'd first walked into Doc Hireson's seeing room, and his lovely, compassionate face hit me just as hard. I'd kissed this beautiful man three times now, I realized. No harm in trying again. He wasn't going to _bite_ me…

I laughed suddenly. How ironic. Carlisle put his arm around me, and I pressed my face against his shoulder. Gosh, he smelled wonderful. Sitting near him was a constant fight to stay conscious.

"Is it alright?" I whispered. "For you, I mean?"

"My love," he breathed on my skin. "If I hadn't felt that I was entirely in control of myself, then I would never have come to you."

"Then come to me," I urged, pressing his hands to my waist.

He shook his head. "You're so young, Katherine."

"Well, I'm not getting any younger, if that's what you mean."

"I should leave."

"Gosh dang it, Carlisle, if you say that _one_ more time..." I threatened, and he laughed. "Come on," I grumbled. "I don't know what's harder; making a vampire do something, or sitting here without touching you."

He laughed again, too loudly this time, and I pressed a finger to his lips. "Shhh! You'll wake the neighbors."

"Let them wake up. I'm having too much fun." The words sounded odd on his lips, but I was delighted to hear them. I'd never seen him as playful, as full of life as he was now. Joining in the mood, I ripped off his tie and dangled it teasingly out of his reach. His gold eyes sparkled. "Give it back, Katherine."

"No. You look better without it."

I waited for him to move, underestimating my weak, human eyesight. He was behind me in an instant, trapping me with the tie about my waist. "Be respectful," he whispered in my ear. "Doctors have to look professional as a rule."

"Vampire doctors, too, apparently."

"Yes." His cheek pressed against mine, causing goosebumps to trail up my arms. "Even vampires." His lips, equally icy-cold, touched my throat, and a thrill of excitement and submission quivered through me. Wasn't this how vampires of legend seduced their prey? The thought made me shiver again, and I pulled away from him.

"You're not thirsty, are you?" I demanded.

Carlisle's smile disappeared. "What do you mean?"

"Just what I said."

He smiled his angel-smile at me. Seating himself on the floor of my bedroom, he drew me down beside him. "Do you trust me, love?" he asked gently.

"Of course."

"Then look into my eyes."

I looked. His eyes were even more dazzling up close, and their honey-gold irises formed a beautiful contrast with his curving, black lashes. I wondered vaguely if the god Apollo had ever had a brother, because if he did, I was staring at him in the flesh.

"Ok," I said slowly. "What now?"

"Do you remember that large picture in the gallery I showed you at my house?"

Ugh. I dreaded thinking about that place. "Yes."

"Are these eyes like those of the other three men?"

"No," I said, remembering. "They were...they were red, not gold."

"Those men-my friends-they lived off human blood." Carlisle watched me carefully, testing my reaction. "But when I was changed all those years ago, I decided I didn't want to be a monster. I wanted to use my enhanced skills to help others, and do my best to prove that..." He paused, brushing his fingers across my hand.

"That...?"

He eyes were sad. "That I wasn't a monster. That I didn't deserve to be damned for all eternity."

I felt like laughing at the irony, but I didn't. His face was lost in the past, and a line of pain in remembering etched his marble forehead. I rose from my sitting position, and curled up in his lap. "I love you," I whispered to him. "Whether you're damned or not."

Carlisle kissed me softly. "I'm counting on that." Then his lips grew rougher, and we picked up where our last kiss had left off.

Which was exactly what I wanted.


	12. Chapter 12: This Can't Get Any Weirder

**Chapter 12: This Can't Get Any Weirder **

When I woke up the next morning, at first I thought I was lying in a cell or something, because my pillow was rock-hard. Then I turned my head and a bright rainbow of sparkles blinded my eyes.

"Good morning," murmured a voice.

"Carlisle, what…where are you?"

"Right beside you, sweetheart."

"But—" My eyes cleared a little more, and I saw him lying stretched out on the bed next to me, his chest bare, and golden eyes peaceful. But that wasn't what caught my attention. After all, he was only sparkling. In the sun. Like a misplaced god from Mount Olympus.

"Is something wrong?" Carlisle asked. He was completely oblivious to his perfection, I noticed. I wanted to laugh, but first I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. "Carlisle? Are you actually..._sparkling?" _

He shrugged. "Just another weird trait of ours, you could say."

"I'll say it again," I repeated, still dumbstruck. He laughed, pulling me tightly against him. I felt his hand stroke my back gently, comfortingly; like a loving father to his daughter. That was one reason why I loved him, I thought. The _essence _of his love for me. Boys I met in everyday life were always after just one thing, and it _definitely_ wasn't your personality. But Carlisle loved deeper than that. He was willing to reach past my bad perception of myself, and find the true soul beneath. I wondered, suddenly, if it took someone as inhuman and far from the world as he was to do that.

Carlisle moved underneath me, and I slipped away so he could stand up. Sunlight poured from my bedroom window, and he reflected it like some fantastic, brilliant mirror. He shook his head, smiling, when he saw me staring, then looked around him. "Katherine," he said suddenly. "Where is my shirt?"

I blushed. "Um…well, it kind of got…ripped…last night, and, uh—"

He rolled his eyes. "How am I supposed to leave like this?"

"Oh, don't worry," I replied, smiling wickedly. "I can _so_ see you doing it. Mind if I come?"

"This is serious, Katherine. I can't show myself in the sun. You know why."

"Yeah, but don't vampires move quickly?"

His lips hid a smile. "What about your parents?"

"They're gone until Tuesday. It's Saturday, silly boy."

Carlisle flashed behind me, placing his teeth gently on my neck. "I _won't_ be called a 'boy,'" he whispered. I knew he was teasing, but my heart obviously didn't. I looked up, laughing nervously, to see a strange shape dash past my window. "Carlisle!" I gasped, pointing. "What the hey was _that?" _

I turned around, but he was already gone. I quickly slipped on some sweats and stumbled downstairs after him. He was standing by the door talking to a small, strange-looking person whose voice reminded me of a high-pitched cartoon character. Her skin glittered just like Carlisle's. I sighed. Great. More vampires. I came closer timidly, nearly tripping on my own feet. She whirled around as I entered the room, and that's when I got my first bizarre image of the hyperactive—yet strangely adorable—Alice Mary Cullen.

* * *

Carlisle lounged on the couch, wearing a large jacket that belonged to my brother. His eyes flickered back and forth between Alice and I, and I had the sense he was secretly laughing at me.

"He never tells me anything," she was saying in a bell-like voice. "But it doesn't matter, because I always find out anyway!" She leaned over to poke Carlisle with a tiny finger.

"But…I'm confused," I said slowly. "Are you and Carlisle related?"

"Oh, we're related," she laughed. "He just thinks we aren't."

I looked at Carlisle for a clearer explanation. "Alice and I met awhile back," he said. "The 1920's, to be exact. She doesn't know when she became a vampire, and I couldn't find out anything else about her but her name. I was working part-time in a hospital in Baltimore, and she popped up out of nowhere." He went on to explain Alice's talent for reading the future, which, I confess, was a little far-fetched for me to believe right away.

"I tell people she's my sister, but for some reason, it doesn't work out very well."

"It's not my fault you're a blondie." Alice ran a hand through her own hair, which stuck up in black spikes all around her head. She was the height of my little brother, and her energy and spunk were about the same, but she had a wise, serious look in her face that surprised me. Her eyes were the same soft, amber shade as Carlisle's, which made me feel more comfortable and easygoing around her.

"I still don't understand," I interrupted. "_Are_ you his sister?"

Alice looked at me. "No. I'm just with him for the fun of it. I_ could_ go elsewhere, I suppose," she said thoughtfully. "But I have no desire to do so." She smiled at her friend. "He'd miss me too much."

I watched them silently, smiling at Alice's devotion. I could understand her perfectly. I don't know why _anyone_ would want to leave Carlisle after knowing him.

"So!" Alice chirped, bouncing onto the couch beside Carlisle. "When do I get to take her?"

_Take who?_ I thought, confused. Carlisle rolled his eyes, and whispered something inaudible.

"Oh, she'll love it!" Alice sang. "I know this for a fact, remember?"

"What's going on?" I blurted out. Alice laughed for an answer, then spun around, and dragged me upstairs behind her. I stood by the doorway, panting, as she fingered through my closet and underwear drawer without the slightest sense of modesty. "Oh, this won't do," she frowned. "This won't do at all. Have you any cash?" she asked me suddenly.

"Not rea—"

"Good. I have plenty. Get out of those ugly sweats, and put something decent on. Oh, and a shower, too. Don't humans shower every morning?"

I nodded dumbly. Alice kissed me lightly on the cheek like a loving sister. "Oh, goodie!" she laughed happily. "I'm so glad Carlisle met you. We're going to be such friends! See you downstairs!"

I did as she told me, wondering all the while _why_ I was doing it. It took me a little longer than usual to finish my bathroom routine, mostly because I was taking several hits on my self-esteem. _It must be awful to be a vampire,_ I thought dismally. _You know you can physically downsize anybody else within a mile radius. _My own pale skin looked washed out compared to Alice's clear porcelain, and I despaired at my thick, ruddy-colored hair. Was it brown or red? I'd never really decided. I smeared on some makeup with no particular relish. It probably looked better on Alice, anyway.

A light fist tapped on the door. "Are you coming?" she called.

"In a minute."

"Alright."

Then again, I was wrong in judging Alice. She couldn't help her immortal state, and her bizarre nature was most likely just an effect of the trauma she'd gone through, or a reflection of her past life. More importantly, she cared about Carlisle. She loved him like a brother, and would support anything he might do. And she treated me as her own sister. A lump formed in my throat. My siblings were all much younger than me, and my only sister was 5-years-old. I'd never had someone to look up to. Now I did.

I slung my purse over my shoulder, and walked downstairs in a pair of jeans and a nicer-looking red blouse. Carlisle and Alice were playing a hilarious game of rock-paper-scissors, with her winning every time. "I give up," he laughed, dropping his hands. "You know I can't win."

Alice looked up, her eyes sparkling with humor. "Hey!" she said to me. "Ready to go?"

"Go where?"

"Come on," she said, ignoring me. She swept out the door, throwing a chic jacket over her black t-shirt.

I turned to Carlisle. "Will you be ok?" I asked.

"Of course. Why ever not?"

"You sure?"

"Go ahead," he called, kissing me on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight."

"Tonight?" I demanded. "Why tonight? Where are you going?"

"You haven't gone shopping with Alice before," he said, smiling as he walked me out the door.


	13. Chapter 13: A Frightening Word

**Chapter 13: A Frightening Word **

"So!" Alice clapped her hands on the wheel. "Where to, Katie? Or is it Kate?"

"It's Kate," I clarified. "And I don't actually know where we're going, anyway."

"Shopping, of course! What else do girlfriends do?"

I shook my head, smiling indulgently. She was impossible. Impossible, but fun. "Ok. Why don't we go to John's, then?"

Alice cocked her head. "'John's?' Should I know where that is?"

"Or 'Clothes Shack,' downtown," I suggested. "Either one has great options."

"Um…ok."

Still skeptical, she drove off under my direction, her shiny black car squeezing in and out of milling pedestrians. Fifteen minutes later, I was searching through piles of lightly used clothes, finally picking out a scraggly, green t-shirt. "How's this?" I asked, pulling it on over my tank top. The front read, "Shut the door" with "And your mouth" on the back.

Alice didn't look impressed. Her fingers pushed away a pair of jeans I'd gathered like it was a dead thing. "This is where you shop?" she asked, her nose wrinkling.

"Yeah. Classic, isn't it?"

She pointed at my outfit. "You think Carlisle would like that?"

I stopped, then turned to face myself in the mirror. I looked like…well, like a skank, really. There couldn't be any doubt about it. A vision of my flawless angel rose before my eyes, and I tore off the shirt and turned to Alice. "So what did _you_ have in mind?"

She smiled mischievously. "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

"Alice...?"

"Mm?"

"There's no way I can afford this."

"Duh. Who said you were paying, sweetie?"

"Well, whose money are you _using?_ Carlisle's?"

"Heavens, no. He never lets me touch his precious bank account. Says he's saving up for something, but I can't foretell what because he keeps changing his mind."

I winced as Alice yanked on a strap too hard. "You know what I can foretell?"

"What?

"You going broke because of me."

She laughed, and bells sparkled through the air. We'd been cloistered inside of expensive department stores all day, and I was worn-out. Not that shopping with Alice wasn't the greatest thing in the world, but…did she _have_ to pick the most extravagant items? Things I didn't even look _good_ in? "Alice! We're killing time! Make up your mind!"

"But I love them both!" she protested. Her sharp eyes scrutinized a long, flowing blue turquoise, comparing it to the glamorous, sequined mauve I was stumbling around in. "You look lovely."

"Yeah right!" I gasped, falling backwards.

She caught me in a flash, then sat me on the bench while she snatched another gown from the rack. "Try this," she said.

Mumbling under my breath, I stalked back into the dressing room and slammed the door. After a few minutes of fastening the zipper in the back, I turned around with a sigh.

"Oh…wow."

"What?" Alice came to stand by the door. "Does it fit?"

"It's…it's beautiful," I whispered. Alice had definitely succeeded this time. I looked in the mirror at the sweeping, glossy red fabric, and suddenly visualized Carlisle standing beside me—his golden hair glowing softly as his fingers gently fastened a rose by my ear.

I took a deep breath. "I like it," I said. What an understatement.

"Come out!"

I picked up my skirts and walked out under Alice's delighted gaze. She bounced up and down, already fussing about how my hair should look. "Curls," she said decisively, "and maybe a rose right about _there…" _Her fingers stroked my cheek. "Oh, you're so beautiful!" she giggled. "Wait until Carlisle sees!"

I laughed with her, spinning around in my new dress. I didn't ask what it would cost. I didn't care. All I knew was that I actually looked beautiful for once, and this time I didn't need someone to tell me so. It was obvious. Red had always been my favorite color, anyway.

Alice sat down again. She watched me as I twirled about in the mirror. "Kate?"

"Yes, Alice?" The dress swished past my ankles; the silk as light as air.

"How much do you love Carlisle?"

"More than anything."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

I stopped, looking in the mirror at her face behind me. She was not joking, for once, and her dancing eyes were completely serious. "Of course!" I said, turning around.

"It's not a joke or anything?"

"What are you driving at, Alice?"

"Well…" she cleared her throat. "I'm one of those people who believes that love only comes once, and if you miss that chance, you have lost it forever." She looked at me. "I believe Carlisle thinks he's found that with you."

"What do you mean he _thinks?_" I said angrily. "He loves me!"

"I know, Kate. He loves me, too—though in a different way—and I know only too well how strong that love can be. It will last centuries. But what about _yours?" _

It had grown very quiet in the store. "I don't understand you, Alice."

"Are you _mature_ enough to understand this?" she persisted. "Will _your _love last centuries?"

The meaning of what she was saying hit me. Would I even last that long?

"Oh."

I looked away, unable to meet her eyes. The soft crimson of the dress blurred and smeared under my hands, and I realized I was crying. Alice stood up and hugged me; squeezing me tight. Her arms were cold and very hard, but I barely noticed.

"Don't cry, sweetie," she pleaded. "I said it for your own good. It's just that…well, you're so young, and I didn't know—"

"No," I sobbed. "You're fine, Alice. I'm glad you told me."

"He loves you, Kate. He told me everything. I just wanted to make sure this wasn't just some teenage dream, or a crush you'll get over. I've seen it happen so many times…."

"You have?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "How many times do you think I've gone to high school in 80 years?"

"Oh." I tried to laugh, but I hadn't finished crying yet. It was all so stupid, especially since I was staining the beautiful dress. "What did he tell you?"

Her eyes turned to amber. "He said you were the best thing that had ever happened to him, and although he didn't know how everything would work out, he would love you. Just for who you are."

"Oh, God," I sobbed, starting all over again.

"What's wrong, Kate?"

"What will he do when…if I die?" I asked. Horror shot through me.

"I don't know," she whispered. She quickly slipped a handkerchief into my hands, and tried to change the subject by chattering about nonsensical things while we put away the dresses. I left the store, a long box under my arm, trying to smile at Alice's silly jokes. But the hard little pain in my heart refused to go away. I began to think of what I might have to do to keep Carlisle with me. Forever.

"Forever." I whispered in the car. Never had a word frightened me more.

Alice looked over at me, her eyes unfathomable, but she said nothing.


	14. Chapter 14: Surprise Date

**Chapter 14: Surprise Date **

_Alice was right, of course. Dead right, and that scared me. But the problem was, I spent so much time worrying about the future, I failed to fully comprehend the beauty of the present. The miracle that held my hands in his, and his soft eyes saying he loved me. He was beautiful, but…I suppose that sometimes, even the most beautiful things can hurt you. Like the pain that stung my heart every time he touched me. And then I would ask myself again, "What _is_ our future?" _

_Stay with me, readers. Please. I mean, how bad can it get, anyway? _

* * *

"What?" I said loudly. The phone buzzed with static.

"We've just been delayed a bit, sweetie," my mom repeated. "A few days, at most."

"Um…ok. Tell Uncle Niles I said 'hi.""

"Oh, I will. I'm sorry we won't be home Monday, but we didn't expect to see half his family out here."

"That's alright." Much as I missed her, I longed to wrap up the conversation, then run into the living room and laugh madly to myself. I would have Carlisle allto myself Saturday…Sunday…Monday…

"…and Thursday," Mom was saying. "Can you survive without us that long? Is your credit card still working?"

"Yes." My mind was spinning. "Well, have fun, I guess! I miss all of you."

"Not your brother, I'm sure," she laughed. "He really does love you, Kate, though he's irritating."

"I know."

"Love you, honey."

"Love you."

The phone went silent, and I tossed it onto the counter. I looked up suspiciously. There was a strong smell of perfume in the room. Lilac, with a sultry hint of cinnamon. "Alice, I know you're here!"

Her lithe form skipped out from behind the kitchen door. "Hi, Kate!"

"Alice, how many times have I—"

I stopped, seeing her for the first time. She was wearing a slim, back dress that barely touched her knees and plunged in a diamond shape down her back. A string of pearls gave the finishing touch, accenting her lovely skin. "Alice…what—are you going somewhere?"

"Like heck I am," she laughed. _"You_ are. I just dressed up for the occasion."

"What occasion?"

She stared at me. "Your date with Carlisle! Remember?"

"Was that tonight?"

She sighed, exasperated. "Honestly, Kate. I thought he told you about all this. He's taking you out somewhere, and I'm here to help you get ready. That's why we bought the dress."

"Oh." My heart was sticking in my throat, and I coughed slightly. "Um, that's really…nice of both of you. Carlisle didn't say anything, though."

"Oh, well. It doesn't matter." We walked upstairs as she spoke. "He probably forgot, poor darling. It _is_ Saturday night, and they've been very busy at the hospital. Carlisle's taking all the shifts."

I flicked on the bathroom light. "Doesn't he get tired?"

"No. Vampires—"

"—never sleep. I know," I finished, smiling. "Is there anything you _can't_ do?"

Alice dug in the drawers, setting out all my cosmetics and hair accessories. "Well, we aren't exactly omnipotent, which is something some vampires tend to forget." She laughed to herself. "We can't _die,_ for one thing."

"I think I got that, Alice."

"We can't eat human food…"

"Duh."

Her fingers deftly swept my hair back. "…We can't forget the pain if a loved one passes away."

"Well, of course…" I started to say. Then I looked at her, and noticed how she was avoiding my gaze.

"You're not starting on that again," I whispered.

Alice bit her lip. "I'm sorry, dear, but…I've just been thinking a lot about you two lately."

I took a deep breath. "Alice, I've decided that I really don't care anymore. Not much, anyway. I just want to enjoy every moment I have with him, and be happy. Is that too much to ask?"

She looked at me for a moment, then smiled softly. "No, it isn't, Kate. You're absolutely right. I'll try not to bother you again."

I twisted around to give her a hug, but she squealed. "Stop! It took me _forever_ to get that barrette adjusted! Turn around!"

"Yes ma'am," I laughed, and I was back to being Barbie again. By the time Alice actually got me into the dress and zipped up securely, the doorbell rang loudly from downstairs.

"Oh, come _on!" _she sighed. "I'm not half-finished."

"It's fine, Alice," I gasped, stumbling out of the bathroom on pencil-thin stilettos. "Although I think I'm going to die prematurely before the evening is over."

"Why?"

"These *&# shoes! I can't flippin' _walk_ in them!"

"Don't swear, dearie. You'll be fine. Besides, isn't high-heels part of being a young girl?"

I snorted. "Not for me, they aren't. I'm not exactly you're _normal _girl. Didn't Carlisle tell you that?"

"Nope."

"Alright…" I sighed. "I'll do my best."

"Don't look so gloomy," she said, kissing my cheek. "Carlisle won't let you fall. Trust me."

I bit my lip. Of course he wouldn't let me fall. Sometimes it felt like he'd even run in front of a train for me…and live to tell me about it.

Someone rapped lightly on the door.

"Coming!" Alice sang. She fled down the stairs with the grace of an angel and opened the door. I heard her pleading with Carlisle to _please_ stay downstairs, so it would be a complete surprise when I came down.

"Great," I muttered. "Now _both_ of them can watch me fall to my death."

It wasn't like I was born clumsy or anything; I just wasn't accustomed to people making such a fuss over me. I always got really awkward in public when I was nervous, and the fact that the two people waiting for me were flawless, beautiful vampires didn't help matters at all.

"We're waiting, Kate!" Alice called.

"Take your time, sweetheart," echoed another voice. It was familiar and loving, and melted my heart around the edges. I stared at the mirror in anxiety—the ridiculous curls, the flamboyant diamond earrings—and hobbled out of the bathroom slowly. My hand seized the banister, and I prayed for a safe landing.

Carlisle and Alice were standing in front of my mom's roll-top desk, pointing to pictures of me and my family on different vacations. I considered what might have happened if I'd gone on our _current_ vacation…and shuddered.

I was halfway down the steps when they were alerted to my presence, and turned around.

I can't honestly say who gasped first. Probably me, as a vampire's breathing is pretty much inaudible, but the sound was simultaneous. I stood alone on the staircase, feeling like a lost princess. Carlisle stepped towards me, his eyes softening to a shade I'd never seen before. The sun was in his eyes, and it radiated like electricity through his body, warming my skin when he took my hand.

"You look absolutely lovely," he said. His lips touched my forehead, but only briefly, as if he was afraid I would disappear any moment.

"Thanks," I murmured, blushing. I was feeling a little dazed, partially from the perfume in my hair, and partially because I was doing a little staring myself. Carlisle smiled at me, tall and striking in a black, finely-tailored tuxedo with a blue vest. He was too perfect. It just wasn't fair.

Alice cleared her throat. "Um, I hate to interrupt, but didn't you say the reservation was at 6:00, Carlisle?"

"Yes."

"Well, _vas-y! _Let's go, then!"

Carlisle held his arm out to me and I took it. We followed Alice outside in the warm summer air where Carlisle's sleek, dark car waited.

"I love this car," I remarked, touching the flawless surface.

Carlisle laughed. "Alice would have gone out and ordered a limousine, but I told her that being conspicuous was the last thing you wanted."

"That's not funny, Carlisle," she grumbled, but her eyes were dancing as she leaned in to kiss me. "Have fun, Kate," she said. "Remember, this is _your_ night."

Carlisle pulled away from the curb, and I saw Alice waving to us through the rearview mirror before going back inside. "What's Alice going to do?" I asked.

"Look after the house, I suppose. Watch some TV."

"She won't get hungry, will she? I don't think my mom has any blood packs in the freezer."

Carlisle's teeth flashed, smiling at me. "No, love. She fed yesterday just to play it safe."

"And you?"

He looked at me. "I'm always careful when it comes to you."

There was a brief silence, during which I watched the traffic flash past us in a rainbow of lights. I smoothed my rowdy curls, praying the hairspray would hold for at least an hour. "So how did you know I didn't like to be conspicuous?" I asked playfully. "I mean, I'm not exactly _shy_ around you."

"You're easy to read," he answered. "I knew the dress might make you uncomfortable, and a limousine would only make people stare more."

_Stare _more? _I thought nervously. Oh, great. _

"Besides," he continued. "I've seen you around others, Katherine. You aren't exactly shy, but you do tend to be a little reserved."

"I'm sorry."

Carlisle squeezed my hand. "No, that's a good thing! Most teenagers are loud and abrasive, and never stop talking; or so Alice tells me. You, on the other hand, are—"

"—Cranky and reserved." I finished. "Yep, that's me."

Carlisle veered suddenly, sliding the vehicle skillfully into a parking space. Where we there already? He turned off the engine and held my face in his hands. "You misunderstand me, Katherine. I wish you would stop degrading yourself."

"I'm not degrading—"

He pressed a finger to my lips. "Did you ever think that maybe what you hate most about yourself is the very thing someone else loves? That I don't care about anything except your happiness?"

"You're wearing those contacts again," I teased.

He rolled his eyes. "Katherine…"

I would've tacked on another remark, but his lips were on mine, finishing what he could not say in words. His taste was sweeter than ever. I dug my fingers in his fair hair, heedless of his suit or my expensive dress. Things were just getting interesting when he broke free, extricating himself from our embrace.

"Carlisle…" I complained, but he was already on the other side of the car, opening the door for me.

"After you," he said innocently.

I looked up. "Where are we? I don't recognize this club."

"Of course you don't. I got a reservation as far away as I could." He helped with my long skirt, avoiding my eyes. "_So no one you know will see us together" _was his unspoken thought. I thought of the risk he was taking just escorting me to dinner. Would people talk, even here?

"Katherine?"

Carlisle stood on the pavement, waiting for me. I placed my hand in his, and he led me to the club entrance. A man walked towards us, his tuxedo every bit as fine as Carlisle's. A white carnation graced his lapel. He smiled at us, taking Carlisle's hand in a warm grasp. "I never thought I'd see you here again," he said to him, his accent crisp and foreign. His dark eyes smiled at me. "But I see you've found a reason to visit me at last."

"Nathaniel, this is Katherine. It's her first time here."

The man laughed. "Ah, so the venerable doctor has a heart after all…"

I held my hand out, trying not to stare. I couldn't help noticing that Nathaniel looked strikingly similar to Carlisle, replacing his golden hair with pitch-black curls. His lips curved back from flawless teeth, and I shivered as he pressed his icy lips to my hand.

"It's a pleasure, Katherine," he said. "I _am_ curious: how did you meet such an esteemed physician?"

I looked at Carlisle, uncertain, but Nathaniel waved his hand. "Never mind. I'll tease you some other time. If I don't hurry, your table will be stolen. Follow me!"

I leaned heavily on Carlisle's arm as we followed him down a set of carpeted stairs. He glanced at me with worry in his beautiful eyes. "Do you regret coming?"

I scoffed. "Don't be silly. It's just that I'm a little…surprised…"

"At Nathaniel?"

"Yes. Is he—?"

Carlisle motioned for me to lower my voice. "Yes," he whispered. "He's an old friend of mine from London."

I opened my mouth, still curious, but just then the doors in front of us opened, revealing a frightening array of well-insured, extravagant suits and sparkling evening dresses. For a moment, I thought I'd stumbled into my worst nightmare. I forgot all thoughts about vampires and people gossiping. A much bigger problem was before me.

I don't remember walking to our table; it was all blurred in a haze of astonished faces and my own rapid breathing. But eventually I was sitting down safely, and Nathaniel was saying something about which wine we preferred.

"No wine, please," Carlisle interjected for me. He must have remembered my disgust of drinking from Becky's party. I looked over the menu, thinking. Was there anything this man wouldn't do for me—anything he didn't remember that I'd told him? I couldn't say the same for my own life. I usually forgot things people told me. My memory was far from good.

Nathaniel took the menu from me and turned to Carlisle, whispering something I couldn't hear. Carlisle looked at me. "Do you mind if I have something?" he asked.

"Of course," I said, surprised. Nathaniel smiled brightly at both of us, and then disappeared into the glittering crowd.

I leaned across the table at Carlisle. "Do they have to stare at us?"

"Who?"

"Everybody!"

He smiled. "Why do you think they're staring, love?"

_Because there's a god sitting next to me. _"How should I know? It makes me nervous."

Carlisle's eyes sparkled. "Can I help it if you're the loveliest woman here?"

"I'm barely an adult!"

"You don't look it."

Nathaniel was back, setting a dish of soup in front of me, along with an assortment of hors d'oeuvres. He set a glass before Carlisle, commenting on how beautiful my dress was. The wine bottle he slipped from his jacket had no label, but the heavy, dark liquid he poured from it looked normal enough. I was no judge of vintage wines or alcohol.

"Enjoy your dinner," Nathaniel said, smiling at me. He smirked at Carlisle and left.

"I feel guilty," I whispered to Carlisle.

"Why?"

I pointed at his plate. "I'm over here stuffing my face, and you have nothing but wine."

He rolled his eyes. "Didn't I say I was always careful with you? I've already fed."

"Oh, really? When?"

Carlisle peered at me over the rim of his glass. "Last week."

"Is that a long time?"

"For a human, it is."

"Hm. So…are you _sure _you're enjoying yourself?"

"Of course. If you don't eat your dinner, Katherine, you'll offend Nathaniel. He's doing his utmost to please us tonight."

I took an hors d'oeuvre, grumbling as I did so.

"Besides," Carlisle continued, setting down his glass. "It's not wine, anyway."

I looked at him in surprise, then at the glass. The opaque liquid glittered back at me, and I suddenly felt an urge to throw up. I dropped my spoon. _"Blood?" _I gagged. "You're drinking _blood?" _

Instead of looking horrified at my reaction, Carlisle covered his mouth with one hand. His shoulders were shaking with laughter. "What did you think it was?" he said finally.

"Well, I didn't—I thought—" His smile was contagious, and I gave up, laughing with him at the hilarity of the situation. There I was, having dinner with a vampire in a strange restaurant, and he was sipping blood from a wine glass. I glanced around, hoping no one had heard my little outburst.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said, laughing. "But your expression was priceless."

I kicked his foot gently under the table. "Do I want to know _whose _blood it is?"

_Now _he looked horrified. "Good heavens, Kate," he said. "It isn't _human_ blood. Remember what I told you? My friend keeps it especially for me."

I shrugged my shoulders. How and where Carlisle sustained himself was none of my flippin' business. And yet… I had to admit to myself that I _was_ relieved to hear him say that. He was a vampire, but that didn't dictate his empathetic, kind personality.

Carlisle talked to me the entire time I was eating (the food was delicious), trying to make me feel more comfortable. He asked me about school, where I had been born, what my hobbies were, and a variety of other random questions. Sometimes I managed to shoot a question at _him_ before he could stop me, and his answers were always astonishing. For example, I discovered that not only was he entirely unique in his food choice, but he had been born over three hundred years ago in an era I was clueless about.

"I still can't believe you're that old," I said bluntly.

Carlisle leaned his elbow on the table, cupping his face in his hand. "Does it make a difference?"

"Of course not. It's just…a little hard to swallow."

"Have a drink of water, then."

I laughed, and he was off again, asking me which mystery novels were my favorites. Eventually, I noticed some diners were rising from their chairs, and the waiters were scurrying to and fro. I lifted my coat from the back of my chair. "Well, this was wonderful, Carlisle. I've never been in a place like this, you know."

He smiled. "I thought you would like it."

I stood up, looking for Nathaniel in the crowd. I stepped forward, but Carlisle caught my hand. "Where are you going?"

"To find our waiter. There he is! Let's go."

Carlisle's grip tightened, and he spun me around gently. "You don't want to dance?"

"Dance? There isn't dancing here."

He took off my coat gently, laying it over my chair. I looked up and saw that there _was_ a dance floor, with a small orchestra playing soft music off to the side. I must have missed it in my infatuation for my date.

"Oh, no, you don't," I protested, pulling against his hand. I hadn't learned to walk in stilettos yet, much less _dance. _

"Come on. It will be fun."

I looked into his warm eyes, only matched by his smile. "If it was anyone but you…" I said, sighing.

I let him lead me forward, and soon we were moving back and forth with the other dancers.

"You know what?" Carlisle whispered in my ear.

"What?"

"You're the first person I've ever danced with."

"I hope not. My dancing sucks."

He laughed, and I felt my whole body thrill at the sound. I looked up and realized he'd removed his contacts for me, although I hadn't seen him do it. I hoped he'd left them on the table, so I could throw them away for good. He was already conspicuously beautiful—why hide anything else?

"You know what?" he whispered again, kissing my forehead

"What?" I said softly.

"I love you."

The dance ended, and we stood with the rest of the crowd, clapping for the orchestra. I moved away from Carlisle, not because I was embarrassed, but because I didn't want to stain his jacket with my tears.


	15. Chapter 15:It Just Doesn't Get This Good

**Chapter 15: It Just Doesn't Get This Good **

_Oh, come on, people! Don't look at me like that! Do you think I planned any of this? Could I help it if the kindest, most beautiful man on the planet chose to share his love with _me, _of all people? That the exaggerated romance between immortal and human was occurring before my very eyes? _

_I know. It didn't make sense to _me, _either, at the time. I'd known Carlisle only for awhile, yet I'd seen three different people emerge. One was the doctor, respected and loved by everyone he treated. The second was the vampire (how I hated that word), revealing his darker past and fears of what such a secret might do to me. This personality worried me the most. I was ok with what he was, but Carlisle… wasn't. He thought he could be better, even when I convinced him of his perfection. _

_Then there was the third Carlisle—relaxed, compassionate, and three times as beautiful in his love for me. I thought I'd finally figured him out; somehow molded all the personalities together into one. _

_I was wrong. _

"Where are we going?" I asked breathlessly. We'd run together through the parking lot; Carlisle half-carrying me so my trailing skirt wouldn't get soiled. He'd lifted me, laughing, into the passenger seat before getting in himself and pulling out onto the highway.

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. "Hm…I don't know. Where do you want to go?"

"How about my house?"

"Oh, let's not go there," he said carelessly.

"But…what about Alice?"

Carlisle smiled. "I'm sure she's having a lot of fun by herself."

"But, Carlisle… the neighbors _know_ I didn't come with my family to Florida. What if one of them rings the doorbell?"

"Alice won't be there _all_ the time, Katherine. Besides, would you really have stayed cloistered in that house for an entire week? They must assume you're out with friends or shopping, etc."

I pulled the diamonds from my swollen ears. He was right, of course. "Well, what do you suggest then?"

"Anything wrong with _my_ house?"

I was suddenly having a great deal of trouble undoing my necklace. "Not really," I stammered. What else could I say? I had only been there once, and had not thought of returning. Talk about a harrowing experience. But the look in his soft eyes told me this was important to him, so I agreed.

Carlisle was looking at me now, worried by the look on my face. "Is that alright, sweetheart?"

I flashed a smile at him. "No, it's fine. It'll be fun. Just us two."

His arm curved around my back, pulling me closer. I wasn't wearing a seatbelt, but the idea was faintly humorous, anyway, considering who was sitting beside me. I snuggled against his shoulder, peaceful and happy.

It was only about halfway there, however, that I realized what such a request might imply. Don't get me wrong! When he surprised me that one night at my house, it was for entirely honorable reasons. Sure, we got a little rowdy and there was some shirt-tearing involved, but nothing more. I spent that night curled up on the bed, my head in his lap, and his fingers curling gently through my hair. It was sweet and simple— no complications… no drama…

We pulled into the long driveway, and I looked up at the old, gloomy house. If it was raining, it would have been much like my first time here. Shy, apprehensive, and having no idea how "Dr. Cullen" would react to me being there.

Carlisle seemed to know what I was thinking. "It's dry this time," he said softly. "You can just walk up the path. There's no mud for those lovely heels to get stuck."

"'Lovely heels,'" I muttered under my breath. "They'll be the death of me yet."

Carlisle came around to my side, but I was already skipping up the drive, waving the heels in the air. He laughed at me. "Your feet are filthy," he chuckled, keeping up easily.

I kissed him, rather breathless. "I could care less how I look."

He smiled. "That, my dear, is one reason why I love you."

I walked through the open door, surprised at how chilly it was. Carlisle hurried to light the fire, explaining the lack of central heating. "Not like I needed it," he teased. "I never knew I would have such lovely guests."

The fire was blazing in a few minutes, lit by a mere spark from his fingers. I hurried off to the bathroom to clean my feet, then joined Carlisle on the expensive sofa.

"So," he said, kissing my forehead. "Did you have as much fun as you thought you would?"

"A lot more, actually."

"Doesn't your family ever eat out?"

_Not with one in a million vampire-gods, no. _"Now and then."

Carlisle hummed to himself, winding his fingers through my wild curls. I began to fidget, and he stopped, curious. "Is there something wrong?"

I coughed. "Don't you think we ought to…well…"

His perfect forehead creased. "Ought to what?"

It was then I realized that maybe my assumptions were all one-sided. Carlisle didn't have a clue what I was talking about. _Katherine, you are _sick.

"Tell me," he urged, looking at me intently now.

"Well," I began hesitantly. "I thought you brought me here for…for something else."

"What, my love?"

"I thought we were going to…" My face blazed with heat, and I stopped, too embarrassed to go further.

Carlisle lifted my chin, looking at me with his gentle smile. "Do what, sweetheart?"

"I see why you picked _your_ house," I said hastily. "We couldn't do it with Alice there."

Carlisle stared at me, and I saw realization wash over his face. "Oh," he whispered, brushing a hand over his eyes. He moved away from me, leaning against the sofa.

"Carlisle, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said—I didn't know…"

He bent low in the firelight, his face in his hands.

I hid my disappointment. "Of course, if you don't…_want _me, then I can leave."

"It isn't that," he said, more roughly than I'd ever heard him.

It was very quiet. _Coward, _I thought. _It's obvious he loves you. Why are you just standing there? _

I knelt on the floor, looking up into his face. "Hey," I whispered, trying to make him smile.

His hands moved away, and I saw the strangest light burning in his eyes. It was deeper then their usual gold; melting into golden flames before my gaze.

I swallowed, trying to still the longing in my heart. My hand inched up his arm, barely touching his shoulder. Watching him carefully, I laid my cheek on the soft cloth of his shirt.

"I love you, Carlisle," I said. "You know that, right?"

He didn't answer. I daringly raised myself a little higher, pressing my lips to his throat. I kissed my way slowly up the smooth skin, gently catching his left earlobe in my teeth.

"Katherine, please," his voice was ragged. "Behave yourself."

"I can't. Not when I'm with you."

He groaned.

"Please," I whispered. "I _need _this."

His eyes looked at me pleadingly—gloriously bright. I felt myself drowning in their golden depths. I had to show him that there was nothing to be afraid of; that he deserved this as much as _I _did, if not more. I moved between his legs, pressing myself closely against him. I could feel him, hard and firm, on my stomach. It set my skin on fire, and I looked at him, hoping he felt the same.

"Please," I urged.

"Katherine…" His breath was rough on my face. "You have to stop."

His eyes were closed. I couldn't read their expression. Couldn't tell if I was wanted or not. Was I really hurting him so much? I pulled away gently.

"Alright," I whispered. "I'll stop."

I tried to rise, but my bare foot slipped on the rug and I fell hard against his chest. His arms caught me, holding me in an iron grip. Before I could think, his lips were sweeping along my jaw, covering my own with urgent passion. I realized, suddenly, that I had finally won. Carlisle could no more resist me than I could him. The thought swept over me in a rush of happiness so pure, so complete, I literally thought my heart would burst. He _loved _me. Me. Katherine. The cranky teenager. He loved every inch of her; from the wild tangle of her hair to her sharp, sarcastic attitude on life. I felt like screaming it to the world. "He _loves_ me!"

I stifled a laugh, throwing my head back as Carlisle's lips fell upon soft, relenting flesh.

"What's so funny?" he murmured.

"Nothing."

His white fingers hovered behind me, sliding down the zipper on my back. He cautiously slid it down a few inches, then looked at me with soft respect in his eyes. "May I…?" he began hesitantly.

"What the heck, Carlisle?" I growled. "Just rip it off!"

He obliged, and I stared at the shreds of material beside me in amazement.

"Like that?" he asked, laughing softly.

"Wow. You actually did it."

"But of course, love."

"Alice is going to _kill _me," he groaned.

He kissed my throat. "I'll buy you another one, sweetie."

"Huh. You sound just like her."

He laughed again, fingering the strap of my cami. I couldn't believe how playful, how full of laughter and fun he was tonight. The whole room snapped and flared with his energy, mimicking the dancing firelight behind us. He was _my_ Carlisle: loving, mischievous, and so… so _alive. _

A soft, purring sound vibrated against my chest. Carlisle pressed gently against me, running his hands along my waist. A parade of goosebumps followed his clever fingers.

"See?" I said, then gasped. His lips were tracing the curves of my chest. "It's not so bad!"

"Mm…I don't know. I'm not good at this yet."

"What? And you think _I _am?"

I grasped his shirt, tugging it free from his waistband. The belt was next, and I jerked at the strap in vain. "Stupid thing…"

Carlisle pushed my hands away. "Allow, me, darling."

It joined my dress by the side, torn and mangled.

"You know," I said, kissing his shoulders. "If this keeps up, you'll need to buy a new wardrobe."

He laughed again. Gosh, I loved that sound. His laugh alone was enough to set my world reeling.

Carlisle was breathing harder now. I could feel the tension in him strung tight, and the suspense only increased our passion. The carpet rubbed against my bare arms. We were on the floor, though don't ask me how _that _happened. Everything was centered on the angel in my arms. The angel who held me in _his _arms, like I was the most precious thing on earth…

Carlisle wove his tongue into my mouth, sweet and exotic, when a thought suddenly forced its way through.

"Wait!" I gasped out, breaking our kiss. "Hold everything!"

He frowned worriedly. "Something wrong?"

"Don't we need a—I mean, wouldn't it be safer if—" I blushed furiously, groping for the right words.

Carlisle moved away a little. "Do you want to stop?" he asked.

"No!" I shouted in a panic, then lowered my voice. "It's just that I don't want to have to explain certain, um… _things_…to my mom in… oh, about five months."

Carlisle stared at me, then suddenly began to laugh. "Is that all?" he teased, kissing me on the nose. He drew me closer, his cold skin smooth as satin.

"But—" I protested.

"Oh for heaven's sake, Katherine!" he chuckled. "I'm a _vampire! _Do you think it _matters?"_

_So much for my modesty, _I thought, slightly irritated. "I was just wondering."

He laughed again, and his gold eyes flared with that strange light again. Their color darkened as his lips trapped mine slowly, and I felt our bodies begin to move in rhythm.

_This is it, _I thought. Stars were dancing before my eyes._ I've died and gone to heaven._ His scent wove around me, and I could feel every contour as my hands memorized his body.

It was perfect, just like he was. Just like _we_ were. And screw anyone who felt otherwise.


	16. Chapter 16: A Piece of Heaven

**Chapter 16: A Piece of Heaven **

I woke up with a blue comforter wrapped around my body like a cocoon. Not a speck of light came through the heavy drapes by the doorway, and were it not for the clock on the mantelpiece, I wouldn't have known it was morning.

I eased out of the blanket, only to grab it again when I realized I didn't have any clothes on.

"Shoot," I said aloud. The remains of my evening dress were gone, and I blushed to see my underclothing folded neatly on the sofa. Carlisle's clothes were gone, too, and I suddenly realized he wasn't there.

"Carlisle?" I whispered.

Silence.

"Oh, c'mon," I complained, speaking louder. "I know you're here somewhere, and I'm _not_ coming out!"

A loud pop made me jump. The fire was still glowing softly, and an ember had just exploded against the screen covering it.

Grumbling, I rose to my feet. After ensuring every inch of me was well-covered, I shuffled across the living room to the front door. I opened it to see Carlisle standing there, a key in his hand.

"Where have you been?" I demanded.

The morning breeze caressed his face, causing his hair to ruffle across his forehead. He came in quickly, kissing me swiftly before disappearing in the kitchen with several plastic bags. When he came back, he picked me up in his arms and sat down on the sofa. "Did you have a good sleep?" he asked brightly.

"You didn't answer my question."

"I was shopping, my darling. There's some food in the kitchen, and clothing for you in the bathroom." He looked at me, hiding a smile. "I assume you'll want to dress before you eat."

"Thanks a lot," I muttered. "You left me asleep _and_ defenseless."

Carlisle frowned. "You were perfectly safe here, Katherine," he said. "I wouldn't have left otherwise."

I berated myself. That was another thing about Carlisle. I had to watch what I said, avoiding my usual obnoxious sarcasm. Sometimes, he took me seriously, and I ran the risk of hurting his feelings.

I snuggled against him, murmuring an apology. Feelings like his were too precious to be hurt.

"Get dressed, sweetie," he said, kissing me. "I'll fix you something for breakfast."

* * *

"Come on, Katherine!" Carlisle held his arms wide for me.

I bounced a little, testing myself, then grabbed the railing nervously.

Centuries of living can make you quite wealthy. Yes, even enough to rent an indoor pool to yourself at a moment's notice. Carlisle knew the manager, apparently, and we had no trouble having the rest of the afternoon to ourselves. The past few days, Carlisle had shown me various activities; always doing what I wanted, never testing me. I hadn't complained. It only gave me more time with him, and I still had a lot of energy to spare in the evening…

If only I'd ever learned to swim.

I stared down at Carlisle, over fifteen feet below. "Heck, no."

"Don't tell me you haven't used a diving board before."

"I have, actually. I was ten, and some guy behind me slipped, knocking both of us into the water. I nearly drowned."

"But you didn't," he said soothingly. "You're still here, and this time there's someone to catch you."

I sighed, stepping closer to the edge. Once again, I had made the mistake of looking at his eyes. Even from here I could see that beautiful golden color, which always played with the rhythm of my heart.

"If I die, this will be on _your_ head," I threatened.

"Jump, Katherine."

I pinched my nose shut, closed my eyes, and flung myself from the board with a recklessness that would have made any diver cringe.

I never hit the water.

At least, it didn't _feel _like I did. Something buoyed me up at the last minute, and suddenly I was floating with no effort whatsoever. Turquoise flares bounced off my skin, reflecting something hard and shimmering that blinded my eyes. Carlisle swam around in front of me, pulling me with him so that I, too, appeared graceful. When I gestured silently, indicating the need for oxygen, he gathered me in his arms and shot to the surface in one quick movement. I cleared the hair from my eyes, gasping.

"Well?" he said, his eyes bright. "Was it as bad as you thought it would be?"

I laughed, blinking against the chlorine. "Are you _kidding?" _I gasped."That was _awesome!" _

He squeezed me tightly, his heavenly scent hardly diminished by the water. "I'm glad."

I scrambled to my feet. "Let's do it again!"

I jumped from the board over and over, until my fear of falling and deep water became nothing more than a stupid, childish fancy. My confidence in myself hit the roof, but only through _his _kind insistence. It was only through Carlisle, after all, that I'd gained a shred of affection for my own body, and learned to stop hating myself. It was only through Carlisle that I'd started treating people better, especially my own family. He had transformed me, and I liked what I saw. I loved who I was with him.

The next time I jumped, he held me for a moment above the water. I waited, looking down at his strong hands gripping my waist. The next moment, he pulled me into the water, and I sucked in a hurried breath.

I floated, unable to see him. I twisted around in panic, but suddenly the dazzling sparkles were behind me again. His hands rested on my head, steadying me when I tried to look around.

_Relax, _his eyes said.

His fingers brushed down my cheek and across my jaw, turning to ice when they reached my throat. He traveled down my entire body, keeping me pressed closely against him all the while. I held my breath, arching a little when his fingers traversed my bare thighs. He traced every line, every contour… making me beautiful.

Just when I thought my lungs would burst, he swam gently to the surface and held my head above the water. My hair streamed over his arm, and I just looked at him, speechless.

"Thank you," he whispered, surprising me.

"For what?" I asked.

"For everything."

Then he bent down and kissed me slowly, as if we had all the time in the world.

* * *

***happy sigh* yeah, so how am I doing? appreciate your support, guys. **


	17. Chapter 17: Didn't See That Coming

**Chapter 17: Didn't See That Coming **

"_So…?" _Cold hands tickled my neck, waking me.

"So what?" I grumbled.

"How'd your week with Carlisle go?"

"It wasn't really a _week,_ Alice."

"Answer my question."  
I yawned. "It was fantastic. Now let me go back to sleep."

She ripped the covers off me in a flash. I found myself being virtually dragged to the bathroom, and seeing her lovely face next to me in the mirror. The comparison made me cringe.

"Oh, Alice…do you _have_ to…"

"It's your last day," she said gently. "You don't want to sleep in and miss it all, do you?"

"Last day of _what?" _

"Kate, your parents come home Friday."

"So?"

"Today is Thursday."

My bleary eyes cleared, and I leaned against the cool glass. "Ohhh…"

"So let's get going!" Alice continued, shoving a towel at me. "You take a shower and I'll fix you something for breakfast. Do you like eggs?"

I nodded. I was awake enough by that point to give her a hug, and not kill myself stepping into the shower. I came downstairs half an hour later, fully-dressed, and dabbing my hair with a towel in an attempt to dry it. It always took forever to get the thick, curly mass into any style, and I usually gave up after a mere fifteen minutes. I tossed the wet towel on the table, and hungrily began to devour Alice's breakfast (which, to my surprise, was pretty good).

"You should cook for a living," I said between bites.

Alice laughed, saying that the world was talented enough without needing vampires as chefs.

"So I guess today is pretty special for you, huh?" she asked, sitting down beside me.

"Hm. I guess. Is Carlisle coming over, or do I need to hunt him down at Greenford?"

"Oh, he won't be working there anymore."

"What do you mean?"

Alice was staring very hard at her nails. "He's found another job."

I shrugged. "That's cool. Is it somewhere around here, or is he going further out?"

"Quite a bit further. It's in Seattle."

I set down my fork slowly. I didn't feel like eating anymore. "Alice…" I reached out and shook her a little. She looked up at me. "Alice, what's going on?"

A little sigh broke from her lips. "Isn't it obvious, Kate? We're leaving."

My mind was spinning. "Leaving? What—did I do something wrong?"

"No."

"Does Carlisle…" My voice was hoarse. "Does he not care about me anymore?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Kate," she said impatiently. "Of _course_ he loves you! It's precisely _because _he loves you that he's doing this."

"Oh, so ditching me is the best option?"

Her face was very solemn. "Carlisle's like a brother to me, Kate. I wouldn't let him do something that I thought was wrong."

"So you agree with him?"

She hesitated. "Yes."

"No, you don't. You're not telling me the truth."

"Alright!" she burst out. If she'd been human, her bright eyes would have clouded over in tears. "I'm sorry, Kate, but if I argued with him, and said I wanted to stay with you, then it would only make everything more difficult." She smiled tenderly at me. "I'm a sentimentalist, Kate. You know that. I _truly_ believe things would work out for the two of you. But with the future being so uncertain, I can't predict _how _it will work out. And that's what worries him."

Alice couldn't cry, but my mascara was swimming down my face in dark trails. "I don't get this," I mumbled. "I thought he would stay. I thought—"

"I know, but what about your family? I know things are much different from what they used to be, but maybe you should be more involved with _them."_

I glared at her, but she'd struck a nerve. Sure, I was nice to them and all, but I wasn't the greatest daughter ever. I'd shrunk too deep within myself. Family had never been my top priority, I realized.

"Alright," I said finally. "I'll try. But I'm _not_ giving up Carlisle. I'm an adult now. What's the issue?"

"Vampirism, perhaps?" she said mildly.

"I don't care about that, Alice."

"Maybe you should."

I faced her. "Look," I said. "You're creating barriers that don't even _have _to exist. We'd be happy together. I swear it."

"You're making this worse," she said softly.

I stormed over to the patio door. "I'll say I'm pregnant," I said angrily. "Then he'll _have_ to stay. I'll _make _it so he can't leave." Yes, that would work, wouldn't it? Carlisle was the perfect gentleman; he would never abandon me.

Alice sounded shocked. _"Are _you pregnant, Kate?"

"No!" I banged my head miserably against the door. "Oh, how can he _do _this to me?"

"You'll never get pregnant, Kate," she said gently. "It's impossible. Not unless, of course, you just continue your life as normal, get married to some nice guy, and, well…"

"Is _that_ what he wants?" I demanded. My eyes were full of tears as I looked at her. "It wouldn't bother him if I went off with someone else?"

Alice shook her head. "It's life, Kate."

I sat down at the table and buried my head in my arms. I felt her fingers caressing my hair, and her strong arms wrapped around me. "If we hadn't appeared," she whispered. "You wouldn't feel like this."

"But you _did_ appear!" I sobbed. "And I _did _see him." Because I was dumb enough to fall in love with absolute perfection. Because for some inexplicable reason, he actually loved _me, _too.

_Well, so much for that, Kate. I guess that's about all the happiness you're ever gonna get. _

I lifted my head slowly. But what about Carlisle? Would _he_ find someone, as well? I felt blind jealousy coursing through my veins. It yanked me to my feet, and I sped to the kitchen counter, looking for my keys.

Alice watched me, her face still worried. "Kate, that's out of the question."

I didn't answer.

"Kate, I'm not driving you to the hospital."

"I'll go myself then."

"You don't know the way. You'll get lost."

"I'll find it."

She jumped to her feet like a ballerina, barring my way to the garage door. _"Please, _Kate. This won't work!"

I looked up at her wearily. My hair was ragged, my eyes were smeared, and my lips were trembling, but my voice was remarkably calm. "Yeah, so maybe it won't. But considering the wreck my life is going to be in after this point, I really don't see how a little more damage could hurt."

She bit her lip, deliberating.

I smiled, trying to erase the tension on her face. "You know, Alice, I'm only human, but I can be just as stubborn as you are."

She sighed, but I thought I saw a sparkle in her eyes as she leaned down to kiss my cheek. "Alright," she said. "Give me the keys."

In the car, she gripped the steering wheel tightly for a moment. Her eyes blackened, fading into a brief obscurity. When the vision passed, she looked over at me sadly, then backed the vehicle out onto the street.

* * *

I stood hopelessly in the parking lot, staring up at the windows. The building seemed a lot bigger than I remembered.

Alice poked her spiky head out the window. "You go in, Kate. I'll park the car."

"Wait," I said. Why was I suddenly nervous? "How can I find him? They'll be pissed off at me for just _walking_ in if I'm not a patient."

"Just stand outside the waiting area," she called back. "He's on break in five minutes."

_Bless you, Alice, _I thought silently. I walked through the sliding doors. Her talents were really invaluable during a crisis.

Thankfully, the clerk at the desk was busy with someone else, so I darted into the waiting room, finding a dark corner so they wouldn't see me. Watching the sickly people walking by, some with broken limbs, didn't help any in easing my conscience. A baby girl toddled up to me, tugging my sleeve.

"Are you sick?" she asked loudly.

"Sure," I replied, smiling.

"You don't _look _sick."

Thankfully, her mother came just then, scooping the little darling away from me. At the same moment, I looked up to see the doors by the check-in desk swing open. Three men walked through, all wearing lab-coats. It was not hard to recognize Carlisle. The other men were past forty, while he lit up the room with the youthful benevolence of an angel.

I stood up, waiting politely for an old man in a wheelchair. Carlisle was speaking to a nurse. The woman was obviously in distress. Her hair hung from her bun in bedraggled tendrils, and she looked exhausted. I saw Carlisle reach for her hand, pressing it kindly in his own. A tear fell down the woman's face, and she nodded, smiling up at him. I watched her walk away, the lines around her mouth relaxed. The other doctors had hardly noticed her distress. Only Carlisle. It was wonderful, seeing the effect he had on others.

"Katherine? What are you doing here?"

I caught my breath. I hadn't seen him come towards me. I smiled, then remembered the reason why I'd come. "Can we talk?" I asked abruptly.

Carlisle sighed. "Follow me."

We walked down a long, tiled hallway, then turned right at a door with his name labeled on it. He ushered me into a small, immaculate office. There weren't the usual honorariums or plaques on the walls; just a few books, and a desk with carefully arranged paperwork.

He sat me down in his chair, then leaned his slender body against the wall. "Katherine, I thought we agreed on—"

"Not visiting during work hours. Yes, I know. But this is important."

He smiled a little. _"How _important?"

"Like life-and-death important. At least, for _me, _anyway."

"Are you sure you're not exaggerating?"

"_Positive." _

He sighed again. "Let me guess. Alice sold all your clothes? Or even worse, she gave you the extra money and forced you to buy an entire wardrobe at a ridiculously expensive price?"

"Carlisle…"

"Or is it you're seriously ill or injured, but are trying to hide it because you're worried I'll overreact?"

"Not even close."

"What, then?"

I came straight to the point. "Is it true you're leaving?"

I hoped he would laugh, dismissing my fears with a wave of his hand. Or better yet, take me in his arms and ask who put such a silly notion in my head. But he just stood there, leaning against the wall, as if I'd said something completely trivial.

"Well?" I demanded. "Is it true?"

"Did Alice tell you?"

"Yes. She said she was against it, but she didn't want to hurt you by siding with me."

He closed his eyes for a moment. "Yes, I remember. That was quite an argument. Probably our first." He looked at me pleadingly. "What would you have me do, Katherine? This will never work. You know that."

"But you haven't even _tried! _You haven't given us a chance yet! Does the last week mean nothing to you at all?"

Carlisle knelt beside me, his brilliant eyes level with mine. "Of _course_ it does, sweetheart," he whispered. "And maybe, someday, when you've grown up a bit more, and have moved away from home, we can—"

"Pick up where we left off?" I interrupted. I didn't mean to be harsh, but I was losing it.

His eyes were sad. "Yes. If you're willing to wait."

"And you?" I whispered. "Are you going to tell me you've never even _looked _at anyone else?"

"Don't, Katherine."

"I'm serious! Why on earth would I _wait? _When there's probably a host of vamp vixens out there every bit as sexy as—"

His mouth covered mine, silencing whatever I'd been about to say. He pulled me onto his lap, easing into the chair without relaxing his hold on me. I felt tears streaming down my face. He moaned softly as they ran in his mouth.

"So sweet…" he murmured. "Beautiful. Like you, my love."

He broke the kiss, pulling my face back to look at me. A lock of hair had fallen onto his forehead. I brushed it away with my fingertips. His eyes were blinding, gazing straight into my soul.

"Katherine," he said. "Don't you trust me?"

"With my life."

"Than why is this so difficult for you to understand? It's my fault, I know. I should've stopped this—left with Alice before things got too far." He smiled at me tenderly. "Oddly enough, I have few regrets now."

"Then why leave?"

"I already told you, my dear."

I laid my head on his chest. It was useless to battle with him. Especially while looking in his eyes. "I had a lot of good arguments, you know," I muttered.

He kissed my head. "For instance?"

"I was going to tell you I was pregnant."

Carlisle made a low noise in his throat. "Good Lord."

"I know, I know. You said it was impossible."

"_Are _you?" he asked, echoing Alice.

I laughed. "I wish."

He held me closer, cradling me as a strong man would a kitten. That's what I felt like, anyway. A helpless, blind, stupid kitten, who couldn't look five feet ahead of her to the future. I kissed his nose gently. "You promise you'll come back?"

He stared at me. "You're giving in that easily?"

"No, I'm just skipping all the drama and heartache to make it easier for you."

Once again, I was too harsh, and his face creased with pain. "I'm only thinking of you, Katherine. Alice must have told you that."

I nodded, then suddenly sat up straight. "Alice!" I gasped. "I forgot her! She's waiting outside."

Carlisle followed me out the door. "I might've known she'd bring you here," he said, sighing.

Alice was scowling when we re-entered the waiting room, but her face lit up when she saw my look of calm acceptance.

"So!" she said to Carlisle in a half-whisper. "It turned out all right, then?"

He pointed to me. "Ask _her." _

I understood that he needed to keep his distance in public, but I still felt a sense of loss when his hand slipped away from mine. He smiled at me—the only love he could show me with the desk clerk watching—and walked back through the swinging doors.

"But…Alice!" I stammered. She put a finger to her lips, and I continued in a whisper. "He _is_ coming tonight, isn't he? Did you _tell_ him I want him to come? When were you planning on leaving?" The hysteria of the past morning was caving in on me.

"Shh…" she said, walking me to the exit. "I don't know just yet. But don't worry. He will be there tonight."

We reached my car, and I slammed the door a little harder than intended. "I still think my pregnancy idea would've worked better," I grumbled.

Alice shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, right. I don't think Carlisle wants you ending up in a morgue."

I stared at her. "Wait…what?"

She smiled innocently, then flipped on the radio to the sixties station.


	18. Chapter 18: Alice's Story

**Chapter 18: Alice's Story **

_Ugh… *sighs* You know, I never wanted to write this insane story in the _first _place, but now… I don't know. Most of it's just self-pity. But it's _your _fault, anyway, remember? All you readers out there, savoring these worthless pages, hoping I'll eventually come to some conclusion. No. I take that back. You don't _want _a conclusion, do you? _

_I know I didn't. _

* * *

I sat at the dinner table with Alice that night, trying to reconcile myself to what had happened. She eyed me constantly, as if afraid I'd break down at any minute. I certainly felt like it.

"Kate, stop fidgeting. You're making me nervous."

"I can't help it." I looked at the clock for the millionth time. "You're _sure_ he'll be here?"

"Mm-hm."

I looked over at her. "What are you reading?"

"'The Great Gatsby.' Haven't you heard of it? I heard you were a bookworm."

"That's F. Scott Fitzgerald, right?"

"Yes."

"Oh, I remember now. We had to read that earlier this year, and then write a narrative essay or something about it." I grimaced. "Worst book I ever read."

Alice pretended to be insulted. "But it's so well-written! Don't you ever look _past _the story?"

"What's that supposed to mean? You read books _for _the story."

She shook her head. "Not always." She put the book down, touching the cover gently. "True, it's sad. The main characters live irresponsible lives, alternately tormenting each other, until the whole thing ends up in scandal and regret." She laughed softly. "He did a good job, don't you think? Recreating the 20's?"

"So?" I teased. She had the oddest way of drifting off during conversations, seeing things no one else saw, or even understood. It was annoying, sometimes, but still kind of cute. "What's it to you?"

"I lived during that time, Kate," she replied, rolling her eyes. "Of course, I wasn't _born _in the 1920's. Flappers and all that came at least a century later. But it was an _awful_ lot of fun while it lasted." She grinned mischievously, as if she knew something I didn't.

"What's it like?" I asked softly. "Living forever? I mean, don't you ever get sick of it all?"

She smiled, her teeth gleaming. "Now and then. But there's no point in moping around. We can't change what we are, so why worry?"

"What about Carlisle?" I couldn't fathom living that long. When had he been born again. The _1600's?_

"Carlisle's made much better use of his time than I have. If he wasn't so modest, he'd be one of the top physicians in the world." She bit her lip. "Of course, it's also practical. If he went around making a big name for himself, more and more people would come to know him. How would he explain his youthful appearance after, say, twenty years? He would have to 'disappear' to avoid suspicion, making it even harder to lead a normal life."

I grinned. "Yes, but why try at all, then? I thought vampires spent their time slinking around back alleys, haunting the innocent in their beds."

"Har-har. I thought you liked the fact we _didn't_ drink human blood."

"Of course." I sighed deeply. "But if it's difficult for you—and _him_—then I could care less."

Alice patted my hand. "At least you're understanding," she said. "Not everyone is… or was. This century doesn't believe in vampires."

"What do you mean 'not everyone was'?"

She looked at the clock, then back at me.

"We have time, Alice. Besides, it helps me not worry about him so much."

"Well, I remember awhile back, in the late 1870's, there was a particular family Carlisle was caring for. Back then, doctors traveled around to different houses—much like schoolteachers—getting their room and board from neighboring townsfolk. If you had enough money, you could set up your own clinic. But it was just after the Civil War, and Carlisle had next to nothing." She smiled to herself. "He didn't have _me_ then, you see, to secure investments for him."

"We love you, Alice."

She laughed. "I know. So anyway," she continued, "there was this one family in North Carolina that lived pretty far out from any real towns, and they had all come down with fever. They couldn't leave and they couldn't call for help. Carlisle followed the scent of sickness to their cabin, and nursed them slowly back to health. It took about two weeks. Soon, the mother was back on her feet, and she could help him with the three younger children. She was full of gratitude for what he'd done. She called him 'their angel of Providence,' and insisted he board with them until he found lodging elsewhere. When her husband came back from a long trip to Washington, he was overjoyed to find his family safe and well. They'd stopped sending him letters, and he'd been filled with anxiety. He, too, was filled with thanks and prayers. Carlisle became very close with this family."

Alice stopped abruptly, and I saw her lips tremble. "It was what he wanted," she said softly. "He was so lonely. It felt wonderful fitting in among mortals; being part of a family. The children loved him. Their parents loved him. He kept their cabin safe by feeding on the wolves and bobcats that usually pestered farmers in that part of the country. Carlisle told me later that those months were some of the happiest in his life up to that point."

I sat listening quietly, watching Alice's marble face flicker from one emotion to another. Only the look in her eyes betrayed the outcome of the story.

"Carlisle still insists it would've worked out, but things we're getting too strained in the end. It was pretty hard to avoid mealtimes with the family, not to mention staying cooped up inside like a recluse. The children's mother kept insisting he take better care of himself, what with his pale skin and all. Her husband remained silent, only telling his wife to 'leave the doctor alone.' 'He cares for the kids,' he'd say, 'Things are better now he's here.' And it might have gone on like that, Kate… if the wolves and bears and other animals hadn't become scarce."

"Why didn't he just hunt elsewhere?" I asked.

"He could've, but there was trouble again. The eldest girl had twisted her ankle on a root, developing an infection before they could set the bone. Her mother wouldn't hear of Carlisle leaving, and knowing him, I see why he didn't."

I nodded. It _was_ just like him. "Then what?"

"He was starving. It was agony, just sitting by the girl's bedside. He felt horrible, because he thought he'd mastered a vampire's natural addiction. It was the ultimate test. Everytime he touched her, he could feel her veins swelling under the skin, filled with dark, rich blood. She was strong. She would fight off the infection eventually. But he was losing his mind. He began to dread the mother coming in, bringing water or fresh bedding. He was afraid he'd lash out at her, right in front of the daughter, and it would all be over. One night, he begged her to keep watch for a few minutes, saying he felt stifled. He rushed out into the cool night air, and his eye lit on the family's cow, tethered beside the house." Alice looked at me, her golden eyes subdued. "I guess you know what happened next."

I managed a nod. "Go on," I whispered.

"He'd half-drained the animal when the cabin door creaked open. He tried to flatten himself against the wall, but it was too late. The child had already seen him. She was the youngest, and the awful sight sent her screaming back into the house. By that time, Carlisle had cleaned himself sufficiently, and when the family rushed out, he was kneeling beside the cow, pretending to comfort it. He told the parents some story about a wild animal attacking it, but when he'd rushed to get a gun, it had disappeared. The child had another story, of course, but the adults shrugged it off. She never went near Carlisle again, though."

Alice lifted her head suddenly, as if startled.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. I thought I heard something."

The suspense was killing me. "But what _then?" _I asked. "I thought that would be it."

"No," she said sadly. "It took more than that. A few days later, the children were playing with their father's gun, and it went off, shooting Carlisle in the chest. They were sent inside immediately, and their mother insisted on having a look at it. Carlisle told her it was fine, that he healed quickly…that the bullet hadn't even hit him, but she wouldn't listen. She cornered him by the side of the house, tearing his shirt open to see the wound." Alice shivered. "I can't imagine what she thought. There was nothing there, not even a mark. She started screaming hysterically, and Carlisle fled from the cabin, hiding himself in the woods until it was safe to venture out again."

"But…" My heart ached. "But it was better for him later, wasn't it? No one else found him out?"

"Obviously," said a soft voice. "Or I wouldn't be working here, would I?"

I whirled around. Alice jumped up, giving Carlisle a tight hug. He looked at me over her shoulder, searching my eyes for a reaction. I looked away, feeling numb. I wished Alice had never told me.

"So, Alice," he said, retaining his pleasant tone. "Have you been telling her horror stories all night, or has the poor girl had a chance to eat dinner?"

"I already ate," I said quickly. I stood up, going over to kiss his cheek. "Alice is a great cook."

They both laughed. It helped lighten the somber atmosphere in the room.

"Well, I need to go," she said, smiling. "I haven't hunted for days."

She grabbed her purse, giving me a sisterly squeeze before skipping lightly out the door. It locked securely behind her. We were alone.

I looked up at Carlisle. "You look unhappy," I whispered. "I don't like that."

He kissed my hand. "I've just missed you, my love. It's been a long day."

I tugged him out into the hallway, towards the stairs. "Want to come up? I just need to change."

His fingers curled through my hair, not listening. I watched his eyes go indescribably soft, melting honey-gold around the edges. "It's our last night, you know," he said, very softly.

"For now," I reminded him.

"Yes," he repeated. "For now."

"So let's make it special," I said, tugging his hand again. This time, he came willingly. I clumped up the stairs, and the beautiful man behind me followed with less noise than a ghost.

* * *

**Sorry, I couldn't resist the story. :) Stay tuned - the next chp is friggin' beautiful. :) **


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